My Grown-Up Blog...

Dear Friends:

I have moved, and I hope you will join me on wordpress! You can find my new home at https://funnylittleshannanigans.wordpress.com. More information about this can be found on my new site. Check it out and follow me there!

It appears that to follow via email, you may have to register with wordpress...for that I apologize, and I hope you will bear with me. A couple of you have already asked me about that. Set-up is free, and they don't spam you, so don't be shy. I'd love to have your company!

Many thanks for the love and support you have shown me through the years. I am grateful to each of you, and I hope to see you at my new digs!

Dear Ex...

Apparently, there is some confusion about the text I sent you last week, so allow me to clear that up.

I said "happy birthday."

Because it was your birthday.

Much like it was my birthday last month, when you texted me happy birthday. Remember how I responded? I said "thanks!"

I didn't say we should go get a drink. I didn't say that I missed you. I didn't take your birthday greeting as an invitation of any kind...I didn't read anything into it. For some reason, though, when I texted "happy birthday," I'm pretty sure you somehow registered that as "we should hook up soon." Is this some rare form of dyslexia? I mean, it would have to be, seeing as how you know I've been seeing someone for quite awhile...

Tell you what. If you really need to find a hidden meaning in my message, let me help you out. "Happy birthday" may also be taken as "I don't hate that you exist." This in addition to my sincere wish that your day is pleasant.

You're welcome.

Aretha was onto something....

If you only surround yourself with people who are just like you, I hate to tell you this, but not only will your life be much less interesting, your personal growth will be limited as well...on the other hand, being able to embrace and respect people who are different from you requires an open mind and a big heart. I was reminded today that not everyone has the capacity for that...

One of my dearest friends is the original wild-eyed, feminist, artsy, organic, liberal, barefoot hippie child...she wears birkenstocks, researches everything, has her babies at home, burns a lot of sage, has a smaller carbon footprint than most, and knows of an herbal tea or tincture for every ailment under the sun and the moon. She's also wicked smart, funny as hell, a wonderful, devoted mom, and has one of the purest hearts I've ever encountered...and man, do I love her!

That said...I do things differently. Where she dives in deep, I wade along the edges. I sit near the middle and lean to the left. She goes to sit-ins and rallies for the greater good. While she rides her bike to work in the summer, I sit in my Civic with the A/C on high. She nurses her babies well into their second year, while I crawled across the 12-month finish line and immediately handed my daughter a cup of organic cow's milk as I poured myself some wine. I probably wouldn't have a baby at home--or at all, really--but I would adopt a half dozen if I could support them. While she would home school in a New York minute, I feel strongly about my kids going to public school and being taught core subjects by others, even though my background is in education. With them, I'd rather save my energy for teaching more important life lessons...she would have no trouble doing both! And while I am constantly in awe of her resourcefulness and ability to create--well, everything--from scratch, I continue to buy chemical-laden deodorant and hope that I one day get around to trying her recipe.

And although many of our ideas dovetail, there are many things we don't quite see eye to eye on, and it's okay. For example, I go to church, rather enthusiastically...while her spirituality takes on an entirely different form. I am more traditional in many ways when it comes to wellness, (though I feel that Americans are overmedicated in general) whereas she takes a much more alternative approach.

Here's the kicker: just because I don't share all of her ideas doesn't mean I don't respect them. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in them. It doesn't mean I think she's wrong for not doing it "my" way. It just means we're different.

Different is good.

Embrace it.

Respect it.

Aretha Franklin - Respect [1967] (Original Version): http://youtu.be/6FOUqQt3Kg0

(Thanks, D, for letting me use you as an example. Obviously, you're not the only friend with whom I share significantly different ideas at times. You were just on my mind today!)

Perks.

I don't think of E as being a big deal...on some abstract level, I understand that he is, of course...but frankly, I know his weird little quirks and have to listen to him snore...so, really, to me, he's just a regular guy, albeit the most important one in my life.

Today, I learned that there are a few benefits to being a surgeon's girlfriend when your mother is having surgery...like when your father starts to climb the walls in the waiting room, he can just walk into the OR and get an update. He can hang out with her in recovery when you can't be there. Information starts coming to you a little faster after the nurses see you with him...and it was nice to be treated so well.

It was also pretty cool to have so many people tell me what an excellent surgeon he is...not that I've ever doubted it. It just became a little more concrete for me today. :)

The perks of being a surgeon's girlfriend do not, however, extend to getting one access to fox sports or a decent bed to sleep in. (I am a tall, tall girl in a tiny, tiny chair.) But I can't complain. I'm a lucky, happy, blessed girl! My momma's going to be fine, and my man is helping to watch over her. God is good.

Women are Bitches.

Okay, okay, not all of them...but I got your attention, didn't I? Well, I need to talk about this, because I feel like humanity as a whole demands it, and it seems like it's all around me lately. Why are women so awful to each other?

Why do so many women want to tear each other down instead of build each other up? Why do so many of us band together to promote negativity through gossip and complaining, at times even about those who are supposed to be "friends?" Why are we so quick to judge one another? Why are we so stingy with our grace towards other women?

Yes, I said "we." I've been as guilty of this as anyone in the past. Occasionally, I still am, albeit unintentionally. It's something I'm genuinely ashamed of and have worked hard to change over the past two years. I'm only sorry that it took a guy knocking the shit out of me (and the aftermath) to make me reassess how I treat people...I wish I could say it was Jesus or Buddha or even my cat that led me to change...but it wasn't. Maybe if I had read something like this, it would have inspired me...maybe it would've made me roll my eyes and think, "what a self-righteous bitch." I honestly don't know.

What I do know is that it's wrong. When we're sitting around gossiping and saying negative things about someone who isn't there, we are wrong. If we disagree with something a friend or family member says or does, and automatically judge them negatively for it, we (may be) wrong. (Assuming this person is not eating small children for breakfast or something equivalent.) If most of our conversations are about other (non-famous) people or certain groups of people...well, unless you're just effusively complimentary, it's probably wrong.

I'm not saying any of this to make anyone feel badly. I know plenty of people who never engage in this type of behavior at all...in fact, my one regular reader is one of those who probably doesn't even need to read this. (Love you, Sarah!) But if it makes even one person think, it'll be worth it.

Women face a boatload of gender-specific issues in society, and we deserve each other's support and consideration. Can you imagine how far we could go if we had it? If we would stop tearing each other down and start rooting for each other instead?

Someone very wise told me once that when you can't find something to like about someone, start with your common humanity and go from there. It's good advice. Maybe it's time to start giving other people with vaginas the benefit of the doubt. Stop being a bitch. Start spreading positivity. Today. Forgive someone. Show a little kindness. Compliment a stranger in a meaningful way. Better yet...start a conversation. THIS is what the world needs. :)

(If you're rolling your eyes and thinking I'm a self-righteous bitch right now...you're part of the problem.)

If anyone cares to join me at the domestic violence rally at the Capitol tomorrow,  don't be shy! Have a great weekend!

In the Rearview Mirror...

So, here we are, another year passed, with a blank slate before us. I think 2014 will ultimately go down as the year the pieces fell together for me...the year I finally figured *most* of my shit out and got pretty good at being a grownup. Not that there aren't loose ends...there always are. But I'll tell you a secret...I'm so excited about the New Year...I'm downright giddy!

The girls have a lot of transitions coming up, though unlike last year, they are not all unwelcome. While they're sad for their father, this divorce is a relief for them. They've been so much more relaxed the past four months. Everything just seems a little easier for them. As for E, they adore him, and the feeling is mutual...although I realize that my relationship with him is a big transition, too. So far, it seems to be a positive thing. We'll see how it goes.

I know how it's going for me...and in spite of the challenges that come with our relationship, I've never been this happy or content. He is, quite frankly, a lovely man. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, and he makes me feel safe and loved. We don't always agree, and that's okay. He loves me for my tendency to color outside the lines...and I am so looking forward to our future.

My brother is getting married this fall, and I am looking forward to having Chelsea as part of our family. She seems good for him, and she is kind and caring. The girls really enjoy spending time with her.

I am wrapping up the book and trying to decide what my next step will be. I feel compelled to go back to school, but we'll have to see how things shake out. Until then...

Happy New Year!

38.

I'm hesitant to commit this to writing...I'm so scared to do anything which might throw my Universe out of balance...which is silly and I know it. I think...

I have high hopes for the coming year. I can honestly say without reservation that I have never EVER been this happy. Virtually every aspect of my life seems to have fallen into place in the past six months.

I'm not only talking about my relationship,  which is incandescent and lovely. I won't say he completes me or I've found the missing piece, because I was complete on my own...but we complement each other beautifully, and my kids adore him. I am a lucky girl, indeed.

I've found my niche among a group of  friends who are loyal and genuine, who make my life so much more interesting just by being a part of it. These are the people who have consistently reserved judgment, while giving me room to find my groove and make my mistakes...not only that, but they've kept me laughing the whole way.

I've seen my kids through a hell of a storm, only to come out stronger, happier, and closer to their parents to boot. And my ex and I finally figured out how to parent as a team without being together. I just hope he comes through his own trials and tribulations with relative ease.

If 38 ends on a note anywhere near as high as its beginning, I will consider myself blessed beyond measure. Thank you to my dear friends and family for being a part of it!

Fourth Christmas

Hard to believe this is my fourth Christmas on my own...or at least, in the "not married" sense. It's crazy how much has changed and how different I am...how different we all are. So many lessons learned--mostly the hard way. But I'm grateful for each of the experiences I've had. I'm glad I didn't settle for the sake of being settled. God knows there were times when I considered it, because it would've been so easy...but thankfully, I ultimately decided (or was shown the widsom) to wait. Watching the girls go through another divorce so soon has certainly reinforced that decision...my second time will be my last.

I learned where I belong. I learned who my closest friends really are. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned it's okay for people to not like me...even when it's people I care about. I learned how to say no. I learned how to bounce. Most importantly, I learned how to be close to my daughters, and how to love and accept them for who they are in a way I didn't fully appreciate until I was independent.

And, oh, that sweet, sweet independence...I climbed on the roof to hang my own Christmas lights. I taught a 120-pound dog to listen, even though Eric makes fun of me when I give him commands in my high girl voice and thinks I taught him to be a sissy. I get both bathroom sinks to myself, and spit my toothpaste into whichever one strikes my fancy that morning. I turn the thermostat down to "refrigerator" at night. I don't make the bed some days, and I don't care...

I even fell in love, which I never expected...so much that I'd probably consider giving up that hard won independence, though he hasn't yet asked me to, and I'm kind of glad. For now, it's enough to visit often and to know that he loves us.

This Christmas, I couldn't be happier or more proud of myself and my family. We've come a long way, and the best is yet to come!

Four Stockings

I've never loved a guy enough to put up a stocking for him. Well. Not since I got divorced, anyway. But I guess things have a way of changing when you least expect it.

He's not the guy I ever thought I'd fall for, but now, I can't imagine being without him. He's just a part of us. He's a little older than anyone I've dated, and unapologetically dorky...but he's also kind. And brilliant. And funny. And he loves us.

Sara told me a couple of weeks ago, "Mom, he's really great. It seems like we've known him forever. I don't even mind that I have to put on pants when he comes over." From her, there is no higher compliment. 

The three of us are incredibly lucky to have him! So for the first time ever, I put up a stocking. He has presents under our tree. Not only that, but I learned to cook latkes and rugelach. This holiday business? No problem. We got this.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah from our family to yours!

Gratitude

It's Thanksgiving week, and there is much to be thankful for...you know, the same kind of crap some people are posting about every day on facebook for the whole month? That stuff, but I don't have the energy for that particular undertaking, so here is my short list:

My kids are outstanding. I have two truly witty, compassionate, unique, and interesting daughters, and I think the world of them. Better yet, they actually LIKE being with me. I couldn't ask for better.

Being in love is pretty great. I never expected him, and now I couldn't imagine my life without him. He's everything I never even knew I wanted, and I am thankful for every day that he's in my life.

My best friends are the coolest. Adrienne, Ashley, and April--The Big Three--who keep me in stitches and always have my back, no matter what stupid shit I do or say...Deanna, who gives me fabulous hair and even better advice...Beth, my soul sister, who is one of the smartest and coolest people I know...Levi, who fixes whatever breaks and makes me laugh along the way...and so many more people I see or speak to less often, but who are important to me in their own right and awesome in their own way. I am a lucky girl, indeed.

Work makes me crazy. But without it, I couldn't support my girls, and I am thankful. Pray that I finish my deadline for this book...

I have somewhere to go on Thursday. Holidays are about family...whether it's the kind that shares DNA or the kind you choose. I am blessed to have both. I hope your holiday is full of love and joy!

The Day After

The dust has settled. The Bad Lady is still in office, and my team didn't win...but like any good fan, I don't love them any less. Just like I keep right on loving my Sooners and my Thunder when they lose, today I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

I am so thankful for my bonus job, which gave me the opportunity to meet and talk with the candidates...all of them. It's how I know I had it right...and how The Bad Lady came to be known as such.

Cathy Cummings is one of the most beautiful souls I've ever had the privilege of meeting. I am grateful to be able to call her a friend, and I admire her convictions and her passion. She's going to be somebody very important one day. I am proud of her for running an honest campaign and for doing it her way and putting herself out there. She's a real inspiration to me.

Joe Dorman is a good guy who works his ass off. He is a politician for all the right reasons, which is hard to find these days. The guy cares about people and wants to make this place better for them. ALL of them. I don't agree with him about a bunch of stuff, and no matter how he's registered, this guy is no Democrat. In fact, he's terrible at being a Democrat, but his intentions are good and his ideas solid. I pray he finds a place in the political landscape, because people like him are desperately needed in this place.

I am proud of everyone who showed up at the polls. I am amazed by the sheer number of Republicans I spoke to at the watch party last night who crossed party lines to do what they thought was right. I've never had so many red friends vote blue, and I'm excited to know there are still people out there who will vote for the person over the party. (Even me. I voted for 3 Republicans myself yesterday. ;)

I am disappointed, yes. But I am grateful and proud to know so many incredible people. It gives me hope for the future!

Love Wins...

It's always a privilege to watch history being made....I wasn't alive when schools were desegregated, or when Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat. I didn't see Neil Armstrong walk on the moon...in fact, far too much of the history I've witnessed has come in the form of unspeakable tragedy.

Not Monday.

On Monday, love and Civil Rights scored one serious victory when gay marriage became legal in 5 more states, including Oklahoma,  where it has been legally banned for a decade. By afternoon, licenses were being issued and devoted couples were tying the knot. It was a beautiful day, indeed.

Which brings me to my next question...why aren't single women across the state lining up to marry their best friends?

Think about it. You trust each other implicitly. You probably already love each other's kids. You would throw yourself in front of a bus for her...and she already knows to wipe the good stuff from your hard drive if you die.

Speaking of...is there anyone you would rather have deciding your future if you become a vegetable? Is there anyone you'd rather share your benefits with? Wouldn't you love it if she could officially do those things she handles in an unofficial capacity anyway? It's not like I don't consult her before every major decision anyway...and don't even get me started on the wardrobe possibilities....

Seriously. Think about it...she's already probably the most stable relationship you've ever had. I forsee this becoming a thing...because frankly, it makes sense. :)

Congratulations to everyone affected by the court's decision to say yes to equal rights for all people. And in case you're wondering, that's all of us...not just gay people. But especially to those most immediately affected, who have waited months or years or decades to be able to have this privilege. There is joy in my heart!

Sometimes, love wins.