I am not Tina Fey...but I want to be...

Desperately, really...I just downloaded her book, and am now considering stalking her a little. Or a lot. I don't know...surely, if she just met me and hung out with me once or twice--or allowed me to speak to her for a few minutes as the security guards are leading me away in handcuffs--she would recognize my own comic genius and want to be my BFF...which, of course, would lead to a writing gig on 30 Rock. Or perhaps she would introduce me to Lorne Michaels, and I could become a writer for SNL...because, let's face it, that show has nowhere to go but UP right now. (No offense to Kristin Wiig, as you are truly, madly, ridiculously, wet-your-pants hilarious...but honey, you really are doing virtually all the heavy lifting there, you know? Well, you and Seth...) Speaking of, once my position on SNL is secured, I can flirt wildly with Seth Meyers as much as I like...because it's not as if it'll ever get me anywhere, seeing as how I'm ME and he's Seth Meyers...who, although adorably dimpled, rich, and funny as hell, is single at 37 and never seems to be dating anyone. Hmmmmmm...I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that it's not because he's waiting for ME.

Now, don't worry, once I'm a famous writer, I won't forget my people! I hope you will all visit me in New York often...okay, well, maybe not ALL of you...but most of you, I'll want to keep. Then the Thursday Girls can have brunch with Tina and Kristin Wiig...maybe Chelsea Handler can join us if she's in town, too. And E can come along to brunch, because he's the only one I know who appreciates a good Bloody Mary as much as I do...and Shana can come for some amazing shopping, and Bethie and I can hit The Great White Way, and.....

SHIT. Sorry...got lost for a second...rest assured, I am still sitting in my windowless office entering accounts payable invoices--just until the earth stops spinning--if anyone needs me...