Gratitude

It's Thanksgiving week, and there is much to be thankful for...you know, the same kind of crap some people are posting about every day on facebook for the whole month? That stuff, but I don't have the energy for that particular undertaking, so here is my short list:

My kids are outstanding. I have two truly witty, compassionate, unique, and interesting daughters, and I think the world of them. Better yet, they actually LIKE being with me. I couldn't ask for better.

Being in love is pretty great. I never expected him, and now I couldn't imagine my life without him. He's everything I never even knew I wanted, and I am thankful for every day that he's in my life.

My best friends are the coolest. Adrienne, Ashley, and April--The Big Three--who keep me in stitches and always have my back, no matter what stupid shit I do or say...Deanna, who gives me fabulous hair and even better advice...Beth, my soul sister, who is one of the smartest and coolest people I know...Levi, who fixes whatever breaks and makes me laugh along the way...and so many more people I see or speak to less often, but who are important to me in their own right and awesome in their own way. I am a lucky girl, indeed.

Work makes me crazy. But without it, I couldn't support my girls, and I am thankful. Pray that I finish my deadline for this book...

I have somewhere to go on Thursday. Holidays are about family...whether it's the kind that shares DNA or the kind you choose. I am blessed to have both. I hope your holiday is full of love and joy!

The Day After

The dust has settled. The Bad Lady is still in office, and my team didn't win...but like any good fan, I don't love them any less. Just like I keep right on loving my Sooners and my Thunder when they lose, today I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

I am so thankful for my bonus job, which gave me the opportunity to meet and talk with the candidates...all of them. It's how I know I had it right...and how The Bad Lady came to be known as such.

Cathy Cummings is one of the most beautiful souls I've ever had the privilege of meeting. I am grateful to be able to call her a friend, and I admire her convictions and her passion. She's going to be somebody very important one day. I am proud of her for running an honest campaign and for doing it her way and putting herself out there. She's a real inspiration to me.

Joe Dorman is a good guy who works his ass off. He is a politician for all the right reasons, which is hard to find these days. The guy cares about people and wants to make this place better for them. ALL of them. I don't agree with him about a bunch of stuff, and no matter how he's registered, this guy is no Democrat. In fact, he's terrible at being a Democrat, but his intentions are good and his ideas solid. I pray he finds a place in the political landscape, because people like him are desperately needed in this place.

I am proud of everyone who showed up at the polls. I am amazed by the sheer number of Republicans I spoke to at the watch party last night who crossed party lines to do what they thought was right. I've never had so many red friends vote blue, and I'm excited to know there are still people out there who will vote for the person over the party. (Even me. I voted for 3 Republicans myself yesterday. ;)

I am disappointed, yes. But I am grateful and proud to know so many incredible people. It gives me hope for the future!

Love Wins...

It's always a privilege to watch history being made....I wasn't alive when schools were desegregated, or when Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat. I didn't see Neil Armstrong walk on the moon...in fact, far too much of the history I've witnessed has come in the form of unspeakable tragedy.

Not Monday.

On Monday, love and Civil Rights scored one serious victory when gay marriage became legal in 5 more states, including Oklahoma,  where it has been legally banned for a decade. By afternoon, licenses were being issued and devoted couples were tying the knot. It was a beautiful day, indeed.

Which brings me to my next question...why aren't single women across the state lining up to marry their best friends?

Think about it. You trust each other implicitly. You probably already love each other's kids. You would throw yourself in front of a bus for her...and she already knows to wipe the good stuff from your hard drive if you die.

Speaking of...is there anyone you would rather have deciding your future if you become a vegetable? Is there anyone you'd rather share your benefits with? Wouldn't you love it if she could officially do those things she handles in an unofficial capacity anyway? It's not like I don't consult her before every major decision anyway...and don't even get me started on the wardrobe possibilities....

Seriously. Think about it...she's already probably the most stable relationship you've ever had. I forsee this becoming a thing...because frankly, it makes sense. :)

Congratulations to everyone affected by the court's decision to say yes to equal rights for all people. And in case you're wondering, that's all of us...not just gay people. But especially to those most immediately affected, who have waited months or years or decades to be able to have this privilege. There is joy in my heart!

Sometimes, love wins.

Curfew

A couple of weeks ago, I was on a date one Wednesday night when the girls were with their dad. I hadn't specifically told them I was going, but Emily had a pretty good idea that I was out, as she had caught me trying on outfits that were unmistakably date-ish. When Sara asked Em to let her use her phone so she could call me, Em shared her suspicions.

"I think she's on a date, kid."

Sara was incredulous. "What? She didn't tell me she was going out! And it's after 9! Dates don't last until 9:00!"

She called anyway.

I missed her call. :)

Blessings and Beginnings

What a whirlwind...so much about this weekend was wonderful! I had the girls, which are always the best weekends. The temperatures dropped into the 50s on Friday, and the season's first pot of potato leek soup simmered on the stove all afternoon. It was beautiful... 

Saturday, my sweet friend Eric invited me to the OU-Tennessee game, which we watched from his suite...I'm afraid I have been ruined for life, and will never want to sit in the stadium again. The boys delivered a win, and I met some lovely people and watched from an incredible vantage point.

A little before 5am on Sunday, I got a message from Emily that she was in labor. Less than an hour later, Harper arrived, and she is gorgeous and perfect in every way. Never has the Universe wanted a baby to be here more than with this child, and her momma is lucky to have the love and support of an extended family that cares for her unconditionally. 

Sunday afternoon, the girls and I got to meet a new friend before we headed off to the fair with Ashley, where we engaged in a little gluttony, rode the swings, and marveled at humanity.

There is so much to be thankful for...for my girls, good friends, fall, potato soup, beautiful sunsets, football suites, the blessing of new life and new beginnings, and the fair. I ask prayers for my friend...and all the obese women in crop tops I saw today. :)

Ray Rice Should Die in a Fire...Reflections on Domestic Violence

The video is utterly horrifying....or at least it should be, for anyone who has a soul. Ray Rice and his fiancée walk into an elevator. They begin to argue. He strikes her once, across the face. She lunges at him and spits in his face. He punches her so hard she crumples to the ground, unconscious from the blow.

Yes, the Ravens were right to release him from his contract. Yes, the NFL was right to ban him indefinitely. To do any less would be to condone his behavior. To do any less would make it okay.

It's not okay.

I don't care that she married him after it happened. I don't care that she spit in his face. It wouldn't matter if she'd called his mother a whore. SHE IS THE VICTIM. It isn't her fault.

Ray Rice can shout from the rooftops all day long that it was a one time mistake. He is lying. Watch the video. Watch how easy it was for him. Watch him drag her unconscious body out of the elevator and lay her facedown in the hall, then nudge her to the side with his foot. Ray Rice has done this before. The one time mistake he's referring to is getting caught.

Stop calling her stupid. Stop blaming her for staying. You can't understand what it's like until you've been there, terrified of someone who is supposed to love you. You don't know what he says or what threats he's made. She needs help. She needs compassion. She is one in four women in this country. Just read the #WhyIStayed feed on twitter.

Most importantly, stop tolerating it. Don't excuse it. Don't walk by and pretend not to see. Don't let them play. Ever.

Trials and Tribulations

It's been a wild month in so many ways...some of it wonderful...and some of it has been pretty difficult. Two years ago--and by that, I probably mean a year ago--everything that's been happening would have overwhelmed me and sent me into something of a stupor. Now, I can roll with the punches. I guess this is what being in a good place feels like.

First, and the most undeniably lovely. I watched one of my dearest friends bring a baby boy into the world. In her bedroom, surrounded by her husband and friends who love her, she did this remarkable thing. It was simply awe-inspiring. For about 90 seconds, I was *almost* sorry that my baby making days are behind me.

The girls and I went on a road trip over the Fourth to Colorado...we took Megan (who is a regular weekend fixture in our home) along for the ride, and enjoyed a peaceful 5 days in the mountains. There were a couple of moments when I wondered why the hell there were no grown-ups on this trip...but we got through it. Sara made friends with Eleanor, our 77-year-old next-door neighbor at the hotel, who would sit on the balcony in the evenings with a bottle of wine, which she was kind enough to share. The weather was lovely, even though it was stormy on the Fourth. Also...pot really IS legal there. And people really DO smoke it in the streets in some places.

I'm starting to get back into shape...the kind where I feel good most of the time, not the kind where I look spectacular. I'm gradually starting to run a little without too many complaints from my ankle, and I'm taking yoga classes again, which makes a HUGE difference.

As for the rest.....work has been particularly challenging in recent weeks, mostly because of the dishonest nature of one person. On the upside, everyone else--especially C and B--has been amazing and supportive, and helped me to see the situation for exactly what it is. For that, I am grateful...we have a lovely new hire and are looking forward to the future. I'm still missing my Lisa something awful, of course...but I think we can officially declare Shit on HR Month has come to a close.

One of my oldest friends visited me this week...sometimes it's a year or more between visits, but we always pick up as if no time has gone by. I have a few like this (Linz), and I love them for it. This was a bittersweet visit, as she is caring for her mom who is fighting breast cancer, and has been feeling quite overwhelmed of late. We shared pizza and tears, along with more than a few laughs...I'll be keeping her close to my heart in the months to come.

As for dating...well...this is me. I suppose I am incredibly selective, and there are *some* who tell me I am crazy for breaking things off with a handsome, genuinely nice guy with good insurance who treats me like gold. BUT. It's not enough if we run out of things to talk about in 10 minutes. I'm not looking to catch a husband, and I really don't care if I ever get married again...if I was willing to settle, I could have several times over by now. It's just that I'm not willing to settle for any less than a best friend.

Who knows? Maybe I already found him. Maybe it was a long time ago. Maybe not....but in the meantime, I'm still happy.

HR Blues

Have we met? I'm the bitch.

At least, sometimes...you see, I work in a small company, and I AM the entire Human Resources Department. This means I get to do a lot of really cool stuff like interview people and hire them. I get to hand out paychecks and make the case for everyone's raises and bonuses, which I've *almost* always won. Mostly, my job involves a bunch of paperwork, which isn't exactly fun.

Sometimes, I get to really make a difference...like when an employee is upset or having personal issues and they let me help. I've taken people to the ER, gotten them squeezed in for Dr appointments, obtained professional advice on their behalf, called in favors, calculated due dates, and let them crash at my house. I actually love them...every single person at that office.

But still, in the grand tradition of HR managers worldwide...I think mostly everyone just sees the bitch.

I get it...it's always me who brings the hammer. I handle the write ups. I do the verbal warnings. I tell you that your day off isn't going to be approved this time. It's hard to see me as anything but the Bearer of Bad News. The one who says no...the one who does the dirty work.

It still surprises me sometimes. I try not to take it personally...but the walls are incredibly thin...there are some undeniably awful things said about me when they think no one is listening. But someone almost always is...you would think I was Satan's right hand man. You would think I loathed them all and enjoyed torturing small children in my spare time.

It's a common problem among HR staffers. I just wish that before someone goes and pops off about what soulless bitches we are, they'd take a second and try to put themselves in our shoes.

There are a few things we'd like you to know:

10. We are not having fun.

9. This is the worst part of our job, hands-down.

8. Even when we overhear or have it reported to us that you called us a soulless bitch, we still love you.

7. We are only the messengers. Sometimes we agree with the message. Sometimes we don't. Either way, our job is to deliver it.

6. All HR people have hidden in the bathroom and cried a time or two after having to do something difficult. 

5. We have to fire people sometimes. Do you have any idea what that's like? Because it sucks. And honestly, we hope you never have to find out how awful it is, because we wouldn't wish it on anyone.

4. We have things going on in our lives that cause us pain, too. Being called names and having people talk shit? Not particularly helpful...

3. This may not be what we set out to do when we started college. (I wanted to teach.)

2. Sometimes--just sometimes--you could try to look at the situation from a perspective other than your own.

1. We are infinitely human.

Lent

Happy Ash Wednesday, everyone! I'm doing Lent a little differently this year...rather than give up something that appears superficial (in spite of my suffering),  I'm going to do something in hopes of making a change at a deeper level.

I recently saw a meme that really bothered me. It was on pinterest, and it was meant to be funny and in no way harmful, but it struck a chord. Of course, I can't find it again when I want to, but it essentially implied that the friendship among this group of girls was based on their mutual dislike of "everyone else" and their willingness to discuss it with one another...over wine.

On the surface, I suppose it was amusing...but then it hit me just how sad it would make me to have a relationship BASED on negativity towards something or someone. I mean, isn't that how wars are started? I know we've all done it. Everyone complains to their friends, and it's not always a bad thing. It's probably worse to keep your frustrations to yourself. But if your complaints turn into generalized bitterness towards a person or a population...you've done something wrong. I know I have.

I have an incredibly amazing, supportive, and witty bunch of friends. And for the most part, I have successfully excised most of the glass-half-empty people from my life over the past 2 years, and have surrounded myself with a primarily positive-ish bunch. But we still fall into these patterns where we make judgments or hate on people or certain groups because of their beliefs or a few actions in the course of their entire lives, and we mentally stick them in a box, bitch to our witty friends, and perhaps even come up with a fantastic nickname. Like Knothole.

Some people may deserve to be in that box. Time will tell. Others....I probably put there too quickly. I am going to try to do better. Not only that, but during Lent, I am going to try to find something I like or agree with every single day about one of them....whether it's a person in my life who has been unkind to me or to a loved one...a political party or group whose beliefs I find ridiculous...or an ex-boyfriend.  (MC is exempt from this activity, because nothing about him is good or right.) I won't give names...instead, I'll just try to focus on the positives. (Don't expect me to blog every day. I'm incapable of that. I'll save up and do a few at a time.) We'll see how this goes.

Oh. And no more texting at stoplights. :)

Saturday Afternoon Funnies

Do you ever read a news story that you've just kind of stumbled across and you have to look twice to see if it's real? Like maybe you accidentally wandered onto theonion.com without meaning to?

People can be like that, too. They just turn into cartoons...but at least they're good for a side-splitting laugh now and then! :)

Proud Momma...

I am proud of both of my girls for so many reasons. They have both turned into thoughtful, witty, bright little women. Sara is a pretty unusual 10-year-old. She is incredibly sensitive to the feelings of others, and she has, without question, the biggest heart of anyone I know. She's also hilarious, and she keeps everyone in stitches most of the time.

On Friday,  she came home from school a little upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she was disappointed in a friend of hers. The friend in question had made a comment about two other girls she saw hugging at recess, saying they were acting like a couple of "lezzies."

"Why would you say that?" Sara asked.

"What? Don't you know what a lesbian is?" her friend asked.

"Of course I do," she said.

"Well, it's gross! Two women together? That's disgusting!" her friend said. By now, they had attracted a small audience. Sara didn't care.

"First of all, friends hug all the time. It doesn't mean they're gay. And even if they were, just because it's different from you and what you're used to doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. It's who they are. It's not gross."

Needless to say, on an Oklahoma playground, her comments were not well received. But she didn't back down, even when her opinion was clearly unpopular. I am so proud of her for standing up for what she believes with grace and confidence under pressure, something many adults aren't capable of doing.

My daughters are both amazing, and they each have their strengths. This is Sara's. I can hardly wait to see who she becomes.

365

So much to say and no words to say it...I've never really known this kind of contentment. I know who I am. Not only that, but damn, I like this girl...I'm not scared. I'm not sad. For the very first time in my life, I'm not TRYING to fit in anywhere. I'm just being me, and living outside the lines. What stays with you...that's what's real. My girls. My friends. The Boy. My family. And I love them more than I can say. :)

He tried to break me. Instead, I blossomed.