Fourth Christmas

Hard to believe this is my fourth Christmas on my own...or at least, in the "not married" sense. It's crazy how much has changed and how different I am...how different we all are. So many lessons learned--mostly the hard way. But I'm grateful for each of the experiences I've had. I'm glad I didn't settle for the sake of being settled. God knows there were times when I considered it, because it would've been so easy...but thankfully, I ultimately decided (or was shown the widsom) to wait. Watching the girls go through another divorce so soon has certainly reinforced that decision...my second time will be my last.

I learned where I belong. I learned who my closest friends really are. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned it's okay for people to not like me...even when it's people I care about. I learned how to say no. I learned how to bounce. Most importantly, I learned how to be close to my daughters, and how to love and accept them for who they are in a way I didn't fully appreciate until I was independent.

And, oh, that sweet, sweet independence...I climbed on the roof to hang my own Christmas lights. I taught a 120-pound dog to listen, even though Eric makes fun of me when I give him commands in my high girl voice and thinks I taught him to be a sissy. I get both bathroom sinks to myself, and spit my toothpaste into whichever one strikes my fancy that morning. I turn the thermostat down to "refrigerator" at night. I don't make the bed some days, and I don't care...

I even fell in love, which I never expected...so much that I'd probably consider giving up that hard won independence, though he hasn't yet asked me to, and I'm kind of glad. For now, it's enough to visit often and to know that he loves us.

This Christmas, I couldn't be happier or more proud of myself and my family. We've come a long way, and the best is yet to come!