In the Rearview Mirror...

So, here we are, another year passed, with a blank slate before us. I think 2014 will ultimately go down as the year the pieces fell together for me...the year I finally figured *most* of my shit out and got pretty good at being a grownup. Not that there aren't loose ends...there always are. But I'll tell you a secret...I'm so excited about the New Year...I'm downright giddy!

The girls have a lot of transitions coming up, though unlike last year, they are not all unwelcome. While they're sad for their father, this divorce is a relief for them. They've been so much more relaxed the past four months. Everything just seems a little easier for them. As for E, they adore him, and the feeling is mutual...although I realize that my relationship with him is a big transition, too. So far, it seems to be a positive thing. We'll see how it goes.

I know how it's going for me...and in spite of the challenges that come with our relationship, I've never been this happy or content. He is, quite frankly, a lovely man. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, and he makes me feel safe and loved. We don't always agree, and that's okay. He loves me for my tendency to color outside the lines...and I am so looking forward to our future.

My brother is getting married this fall, and I am looking forward to having Chelsea as part of our family. She seems good for him, and she is kind and caring. The girls really enjoy spending time with her.

I am wrapping up the book and trying to decide what my next step will be. I feel compelled to go back to school, but we'll have to see how things shake out. Until then...

Happy New Year!

38.

I'm hesitant to commit this to writing...I'm so scared to do anything which might throw my Universe out of balance...which is silly and I know it. I think...

I have high hopes for the coming year. I can honestly say without reservation that I have never EVER been this happy. Virtually every aspect of my life seems to have fallen into place in the past six months.

I'm not only talking about my relationship,  which is incandescent and lovely. I won't say he completes me or I've found the missing piece, because I was complete on my own...but we complement each other beautifully, and my kids adore him. I am a lucky girl, indeed.

I've found my niche among a group of  friends who are loyal and genuine, who make my life so much more interesting just by being a part of it. These are the people who have consistently reserved judgment, while giving me room to find my groove and make my mistakes...not only that, but they've kept me laughing the whole way.

I've seen my kids through a hell of a storm, only to come out stronger, happier, and closer to their parents to boot. And my ex and I finally figured out how to parent as a team without being together. I just hope he comes through his own trials and tribulations with relative ease.

If 38 ends on a note anywhere near as high as its beginning, I will consider myself blessed beyond measure. Thank you to my dear friends and family for being a part of it!

Fourth Christmas

Hard to believe this is my fourth Christmas on my own...or at least, in the "not married" sense. It's crazy how much has changed and how different I am...how different we all are. So many lessons learned--mostly the hard way. But I'm grateful for each of the experiences I've had. I'm glad I didn't settle for the sake of being settled. God knows there were times when I considered it, because it would've been so easy...but thankfully, I ultimately decided (or was shown the widsom) to wait. Watching the girls go through another divorce so soon has certainly reinforced that decision...my second time will be my last.

I learned where I belong. I learned who my closest friends really are. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned it's okay for people to not like me...even when it's people I care about. I learned how to say no. I learned how to bounce. Most importantly, I learned how to be close to my daughters, and how to love and accept them for who they are in a way I didn't fully appreciate until I was independent.

And, oh, that sweet, sweet independence...I climbed on the roof to hang my own Christmas lights. I taught a 120-pound dog to listen, even though Eric makes fun of me when I give him commands in my high girl voice and thinks I taught him to be a sissy. I get both bathroom sinks to myself, and spit my toothpaste into whichever one strikes my fancy that morning. I turn the thermostat down to "refrigerator" at night. I don't make the bed some days, and I don't care...

I even fell in love, which I never expected...so much that I'd probably consider giving up that hard won independence, though he hasn't yet asked me to, and I'm kind of glad. For now, it's enough to visit often and to know that he loves us.

This Christmas, I couldn't be happier or more proud of myself and my family. We've come a long way, and the best is yet to come!

Four Stockings

I've never loved a guy enough to put up a stocking for him. Well. Not since I got divorced, anyway. But I guess things have a way of changing when you least expect it.

He's not the guy I ever thought I'd fall for, but now, I can't imagine being without him. He's just a part of us. He's a little older than anyone I've dated, and unapologetically dorky...but he's also kind. And brilliant. And funny. And he loves us.

Sara told me a couple of weeks ago, "Mom, he's really great. It seems like we've known him forever. I don't even mind that I have to put on pants when he comes over." From her, there is no higher compliment. 

The three of us are incredibly lucky to have him! So for the first time ever, I put up a stocking. He has presents under our tree. Not only that, but I learned to cook latkes and rugelach. This holiday business? No problem. We got this.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah from our family to yours!