In the Rearview Mirror...

So, here we are, another year passed, with a blank slate before us. I think 2014 will ultimately go down as the year the pieces fell together for me...the year I finally figured *most* of my shit out and got pretty good at being a grownup. Not that there aren't loose ends...there always are. But I'll tell you a secret...I'm so excited about the New Year...I'm downright giddy!

The girls have a lot of transitions coming up, though unlike last year, they are not all unwelcome. While they're sad for their father, this divorce is a relief for them. They've been so much more relaxed the past four months. Everything just seems a little easier for them. As for E, they adore him, and the feeling is mutual...although I realize that my relationship with him is a big transition, too. So far, it seems to be a positive thing. We'll see how it goes.

I know how it's going for me...and in spite of the challenges that come with our relationship, I've never been this happy or content. He is, quite frankly, a lovely man. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, and he makes me feel safe and loved. We don't always agree, and that's okay. He loves me for my tendency to color outside the lines...and I am so looking forward to our future.

My brother is getting married this fall, and I am looking forward to having Chelsea as part of our family. She seems good for him, and she is kind and caring. The girls really enjoy spending time with her.

I am wrapping up the book and trying to decide what my next step will be. I feel compelled to go back to school, but we'll have to see how things shake out. Until then...

Happy New Year!

38.

I'm hesitant to commit this to writing...I'm so scared to do anything which might throw my Universe out of balance...which is silly and I know it. I think...

I have high hopes for the coming year. I can honestly say without reservation that I have never EVER been this happy. Virtually every aspect of my life seems to have fallen into place in the past six months.

I'm not only talking about my relationship,  which is incandescent and lovely. I won't say he completes me or I've found the missing piece, because I was complete on my own...but we complement each other beautifully, and my kids adore him. I am a lucky girl, indeed.

I've found my niche among a group of  friends who are loyal and genuine, who make my life so much more interesting just by being a part of it. These are the people who have consistently reserved judgment, while giving me room to find my groove and make my mistakes...not only that, but they've kept me laughing the whole way.

I've seen my kids through a hell of a storm, only to come out stronger, happier, and closer to their parents to boot. And my ex and I finally figured out how to parent as a team without being together. I just hope he comes through his own trials and tribulations with relative ease.

If 38 ends on a note anywhere near as high as its beginning, I will consider myself blessed beyond measure. Thank you to my dear friends and family for being a part of it!

Fourth Christmas

Hard to believe this is my fourth Christmas on my own...or at least, in the "not married" sense. It's crazy how much has changed and how different I am...how different we all are. So many lessons learned--mostly the hard way. But I'm grateful for each of the experiences I've had. I'm glad I didn't settle for the sake of being settled. God knows there were times when I considered it, because it would've been so easy...but thankfully, I ultimately decided (or was shown the widsom) to wait. Watching the girls go through another divorce so soon has certainly reinforced that decision...my second time will be my last.

I learned where I belong. I learned who my closest friends really are. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned it's okay for people to not like me...even when it's people I care about. I learned how to say no. I learned how to bounce. Most importantly, I learned how to be close to my daughters, and how to love and accept them for who they are in a way I didn't fully appreciate until I was independent.

And, oh, that sweet, sweet independence...I climbed on the roof to hang my own Christmas lights. I taught a 120-pound dog to listen, even though Eric makes fun of me when I give him commands in my high girl voice and thinks I taught him to be a sissy. I get both bathroom sinks to myself, and spit my toothpaste into whichever one strikes my fancy that morning. I turn the thermostat down to "refrigerator" at night. I don't make the bed some days, and I don't care...

I even fell in love, which I never expected...so much that I'd probably consider giving up that hard won independence, though he hasn't yet asked me to, and I'm kind of glad. For now, it's enough to visit often and to know that he loves us.

This Christmas, I couldn't be happier or more proud of myself and my family. We've come a long way, and the best is yet to come!

Four Stockings

I've never loved a guy enough to put up a stocking for him. Well. Not since I got divorced, anyway. But I guess things have a way of changing when you least expect it.

He's not the guy I ever thought I'd fall for, but now, I can't imagine being without him. He's just a part of us. He's a little older than anyone I've dated, and unapologetically dorky...but he's also kind. And brilliant. And funny. And he loves us.

Sara told me a couple of weeks ago, "Mom, he's really great. It seems like we've known him forever. I don't even mind that I have to put on pants when he comes over." From her, there is no higher compliment. 

The three of us are incredibly lucky to have him! So for the first time ever, I put up a stocking. He has presents under our tree. Not only that, but I learned to cook latkes and rugelach. This holiday business? No problem. We got this.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah from our family to yours!

Gratitude

It's Thanksgiving week, and there is much to be thankful for...you know, the same kind of crap some people are posting about every day on facebook for the whole month? That stuff, but I don't have the energy for that particular undertaking, so here is my short list:

My kids are outstanding. I have two truly witty, compassionate, unique, and interesting daughters, and I think the world of them. Better yet, they actually LIKE being with me. I couldn't ask for better.

Being in love is pretty great. I never expected him, and now I couldn't imagine my life without him. He's everything I never even knew I wanted, and I am thankful for every day that he's in my life.

My best friends are the coolest. Adrienne, Ashley, and April--The Big Three--who keep me in stitches and always have my back, no matter what stupid shit I do or say...Deanna, who gives me fabulous hair and even better advice...Beth, my soul sister, who is one of the smartest and coolest people I know...Levi, who fixes whatever breaks and makes me laugh along the way...and so many more people I see or speak to less often, but who are important to me in their own right and awesome in their own way. I am a lucky girl, indeed.

Work makes me crazy. But without it, I couldn't support my girls, and I am thankful. Pray that I finish my deadline for this book...

I have somewhere to go on Thursday. Holidays are about family...whether it's the kind that shares DNA or the kind you choose. I am blessed to have both. I hope your holiday is full of love and joy!

The Day After

The dust has settled. The Bad Lady is still in office, and my team didn't win...but like any good fan, I don't love them any less. Just like I keep right on loving my Sooners and my Thunder when they lose, today I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

I am so thankful for my bonus job, which gave me the opportunity to meet and talk with the candidates...all of them. It's how I know I had it right...and how The Bad Lady came to be known as such.

Cathy Cummings is one of the most beautiful souls I've ever had the privilege of meeting. I am grateful to be able to call her a friend, and I admire her convictions and her passion. She's going to be somebody very important one day. I am proud of her for running an honest campaign and for doing it her way and putting herself out there. She's a real inspiration to me.

Joe Dorman is a good guy who works his ass off. He is a politician for all the right reasons, which is hard to find these days. The guy cares about people and wants to make this place better for them. ALL of them. I don't agree with him about a bunch of stuff, and no matter how he's registered, this guy is no Democrat. In fact, he's terrible at being a Democrat, but his intentions are good and his ideas solid. I pray he finds a place in the political landscape, because people like him are desperately needed in this place.

I am proud of everyone who showed up at the polls. I am amazed by the sheer number of Republicans I spoke to at the watch party last night who crossed party lines to do what they thought was right. I've never had so many red friends vote blue, and I'm excited to know there are still people out there who will vote for the person over the party. (Even me. I voted for 3 Republicans myself yesterday. ;)

I am disappointed, yes. But I am grateful and proud to know so many incredible people. It gives me hope for the future!

Love Wins...

It's always a privilege to watch history being made....I wasn't alive when schools were desegregated, or when Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat. I didn't see Neil Armstrong walk on the moon...in fact, far too much of the history I've witnessed has come in the form of unspeakable tragedy.

Not Monday.

On Monday, love and Civil Rights scored one serious victory when gay marriage became legal in 5 more states, including Oklahoma,  where it has been legally banned for a decade. By afternoon, licenses were being issued and devoted couples were tying the knot. It was a beautiful day, indeed.

Which brings me to my next question...why aren't single women across the state lining up to marry their best friends?

Think about it. You trust each other implicitly. You probably already love each other's kids. You would throw yourself in front of a bus for her...and she already knows to wipe the good stuff from your hard drive if you die.

Speaking of...is there anyone you would rather have deciding your future if you become a vegetable? Is there anyone you'd rather share your benefits with? Wouldn't you love it if she could officially do those things she handles in an unofficial capacity anyway? It's not like I don't consult her before every major decision anyway...and don't even get me started on the wardrobe possibilities....

Seriously. Think about it...she's already probably the most stable relationship you've ever had. I forsee this becoming a thing...because frankly, it makes sense. :)

Congratulations to everyone affected by the court's decision to say yes to equal rights for all people. And in case you're wondering, that's all of us...not just gay people. But especially to those most immediately affected, who have waited months or years or decades to be able to have this privilege. There is joy in my heart!

Sometimes, love wins.

Curfew

A couple of weeks ago, I was on a date one Wednesday night when the girls were with their dad. I hadn't specifically told them I was going, but Emily had a pretty good idea that I was out, as she had caught me trying on outfits that were unmistakably date-ish. When Sara asked Em to let her use her phone so she could call me, Em shared her suspicions.

"I think she's on a date, kid."

Sara was incredulous. "What? She didn't tell me she was going out! And it's after 9! Dates don't last until 9:00!"

She called anyway.

I missed her call. :)

Blessings and Beginnings

What a whirlwind...so much about this weekend was wonderful! I had the girls, which are always the best weekends. The temperatures dropped into the 50s on Friday, and the season's first pot of potato leek soup simmered on the stove all afternoon. It was beautiful... 

Saturday, my sweet friend Eric invited me to the OU-Tennessee game, which we watched from his suite...I'm afraid I have been ruined for life, and will never want to sit in the stadium again. The boys delivered a win, and I met some lovely people and watched from an incredible vantage point.

A little before 5am on Sunday, I got a message from Emily that she was in labor. Less than an hour later, Harper arrived, and she is gorgeous and perfect in every way. Never has the Universe wanted a baby to be here more than with this child, and her momma is lucky to have the love and support of an extended family that cares for her unconditionally. 

Sunday afternoon, the girls and I got to meet a new friend before we headed off to the fair with Ashley, where we engaged in a little gluttony, rode the swings, and marveled at humanity.

There is so much to be thankful for...for my girls, good friends, fall, potato soup, beautiful sunsets, football suites, the blessing of new life and new beginnings, and the fair. I ask prayers for my friend...and all the obese women in crop tops I saw today. :)

Ray Rice Should Die in a Fire...Reflections on Domestic Violence

The video is utterly horrifying....or at least it should be, for anyone who has a soul. Ray Rice and his fiancée walk into an elevator. They begin to argue. He strikes her once, across the face. She lunges at him and spits in his face. He punches her so hard she crumples to the ground, unconscious from the blow.

Yes, the Ravens were right to release him from his contract. Yes, the NFL was right to ban him indefinitely. To do any less would be to condone his behavior. To do any less would make it okay.

It's not okay.

I don't care that she married him after it happened. I don't care that she spit in his face. It wouldn't matter if she'd called his mother a whore. SHE IS THE VICTIM. It isn't her fault.

Ray Rice can shout from the rooftops all day long that it was a one time mistake. He is lying. Watch the video. Watch how easy it was for him. Watch him drag her unconscious body out of the elevator and lay her facedown in the hall, then nudge her to the side with his foot. Ray Rice has done this before. The one time mistake he's referring to is getting caught.

Stop calling her stupid. Stop blaming her for staying. You can't understand what it's like until you've been there, terrified of someone who is supposed to love you. You don't know what he says or what threats he's made. She needs help. She needs compassion. She is one in four women in this country. Just read the #WhyIStayed feed on twitter.

Most importantly, stop tolerating it. Don't excuse it. Don't walk by and pretend not to see. Don't let them play. Ever.

Trials and Tribulations

It's been a wild month in so many ways...some of it wonderful...and some of it has been pretty difficult. Two years ago--and by that, I probably mean a year ago--everything that's been happening would have overwhelmed me and sent me into something of a stupor. Now, I can roll with the punches. I guess this is what being in a good place feels like.

First, and the most undeniably lovely. I watched one of my dearest friends bring a baby boy into the world. In her bedroom, surrounded by her husband and friends who love her, she did this remarkable thing. It was simply awe-inspiring. For about 90 seconds, I was *almost* sorry that my baby making days are behind me.

The girls and I went on a road trip over the Fourth to Colorado...we took Megan (who is a regular weekend fixture in our home) along for the ride, and enjoyed a peaceful 5 days in the mountains. There were a couple of moments when I wondered why the hell there were no grown-ups on this trip...but we got through it. Sara made friends with Eleanor, our 77-year-old next-door neighbor at the hotel, who would sit on the balcony in the evenings with a bottle of wine, which she was kind enough to share. The weather was lovely, even though it was stormy on the Fourth. Also...pot really IS legal there. And people really DO smoke it in the streets in some places.

I'm starting to get back into shape...the kind where I feel good most of the time, not the kind where I look spectacular. I'm gradually starting to run a little without too many complaints from my ankle, and I'm taking yoga classes again, which makes a HUGE difference.

As for the rest.....work has been particularly challenging in recent weeks, mostly because of the dishonest nature of one person. On the upside, everyone else--especially C and B--has been amazing and supportive, and helped me to see the situation for exactly what it is. For that, I am grateful...we have a lovely new hire and are looking forward to the future. I'm still missing my Lisa something awful, of course...but I think we can officially declare Shit on HR Month has come to a close.

One of my oldest friends visited me this week...sometimes it's a year or more between visits, but we always pick up as if no time has gone by. I have a few like this (Linz), and I love them for it. This was a bittersweet visit, as she is caring for her mom who is fighting breast cancer, and has been feeling quite overwhelmed of late. We shared pizza and tears, along with more than a few laughs...I'll be keeping her close to my heart in the months to come.

As for dating...well...this is me. I suppose I am incredibly selective, and there are *some* who tell me I am crazy for breaking things off with a handsome, genuinely nice guy with good insurance who treats me like gold. BUT. It's not enough if we run out of things to talk about in 10 minutes. I'm not looking to catch a husband, and I really don't care if I ever get married again...if I was willing to settle, I could have several times over by now. It's just that I'm not willing to settle for any less than a best friend.

Who knows? Maybe I already found him. Maybe it was a long time ago. Maybe not....but in the meantime, I'm still happy.

HR Blues

Have we met? I'm the bitch.

At least, sometimes...you see, I work in a small company, and I AM the entire Human Resources Department. This means I get to do a lot of really cool stuff like interview people and hire them. I get to hand out paychecks and make the case for everyone's raises and bonuses, which I've *almost* always won. Mostly, my job involves a bunch of paperwork, which isn't exactly fun.

Sometimes, I get to really make a difference...like when an employee is upset or having personal issues and they let me help. I've taken people to the ER, gotten them squeezed in for Dr appointments, obtained professional advice on their behalf, called in favors, calculated due dates, and let them crash at my house. I actually love them...every single person at that office.

But still, in the grand tradition of HR managers worldwide...I think mostly everyone just sees the bitch.

I get it...it's always me who brings the hammer. I handle the write ups. I do the verbal warnings. I tell you that your day off isn't going to be approved this time. It's hard to see me as anything but the Bearer of Bad News. The one who says no...the one who does the dirty work.

It still surprises me sometimes. I try not to take it personally...but the walls are incredibly thin...there are some undeniably awful things said about me when they think no one is listening. But someone almost always is...you would think I was Satan's right hand man. You would think I loathed them all and enjoyed torturing small children in my spare time.

It's a common problem among HR staffers. I just wish that before someone goes and pops off about what soulless bitches we are, they'd take a second and try to put themselves in our shoes.

There are a few things we'd like you to know:

10. We are not having fun.

9. This is the worst part of our job, hands-down.

8. Even when we overhear or have it reported to us that you called us a soulless bitch, we still love you.

7. We are only the messengers. Sometimes we agree with the message. Sometimes we don't. Either way, our job is to deliver it.

6. All HR people have hidden in the bathroom and cried a time or two after having to do something difficult. 

5. We have to fire people sometimes. Do you have any idea what that's like? Because it sucks. And honestly, we hope you never have to find out how awful it is, because we wouldn't wish it on anyone.

4. We have things going on in our lives that cause us pain, too. Being called names and having people talk shit? Not particularly helpful...

3. This may not be what we set out to do when we started college. (I wanted to teach.)

2. Sometimes--just sometimes--you could try to look at the situation from a perspective other than your own.

1. We are infinitely human.

Lent

Happy Ash Wednesday, everyone! I'm doing Lent a little differently this year...rather than give up something that appears superficial (in spite of my suffering),  I'm going to do something in hopes of making a change at a deeper level.

I recently saw a meme that really bothered me. It was on pinterest, and it was meant to be funny and in no way harmful, but it struck a chord. Of course, I can't find it again when I want to, but it essentially implied that the friendship among this group of girls was based on their mutual dislike of "everyone else" and their willingness to discuss it with one another...over wine.

On the surface, I suppose it was amusing...but then it hit me just how sad it would make me to have a relationship BASED on negativity towards something or someone. I mean, isn't that how wars are started? I know we've all done it. Everyone complains to their friends, and it's not always a bad thing. It's probably worse to keep your frustrations to yourself. But if your complaints turn into generalized bitterness towards a person or a population...you've done something wrong. I know I have.

I have an incredibly amazing, supportive, and witty bunch of friends. And for the most part, I have successfully excised most of the glass-half-empty people from my life over the past 2 years, and have surrounded myself with a primarily positive-ish bunch. But we still fall into these patterns where we make judgments or hate on people or certain groups because of their beliefs or a few actions in the course of their entire lives, and we mentally stick them in a box, bitch to our witty friends, and perhaps even come up with a fantastic nickname. Like Knothole.

Some people may deserve to be in that box. Time will tell. Others....I probably put there too quickly. I am going to try to do better. Not only that, but during Lent, I am going to try to find something I like or agree with every single day about one of them....whether it's a person in my life who has been unkind to me or to a loved one...a political party or group whose beliefs I find ridiculous...or an ex-boyfriend.  (MC is exempt from this activity, because nothing about him is good or right.) I won't give names...instead, I'll just try to focus on the positives. (Don't expect me to blog every day. I'm incapable of that. I'll save up and do a few at a time.) We'll see how this goes.

Oh. And no more texting at stoplights. :)

Saturday Afternoon Funnies

Do you ever read a news story that you've just kind of stumbled across and you have to look twice to see if it's real? Like maybe you accidentally wandered onto theonion.com without meaning to?

People can be like that, too. They just turn into cartoons...but at least they're good for a side-splitting laugh now and then! :)

Proud Momma...

I am proud of both of my girls for so many reasons. They have both turned into thoughtful, witty, bright little women. Sara is a pretty unusual 10-year-old. She is incredibly sensitive to the feelings of others, and she has, without question, the biggest heart of anyone I know. She's also hilarious, and she keeps everyone in stitches most of the time.

On Friday,  she came home from school a little upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me she was disappointed in a friend of hers. The friend in question had made a comment about two other girls she saw hugging at recess, saying they were acting like a couple of "lezzies."

"Why would you say that?" Sara asked.

"What? Don't you know what a lesbian is?" her friend asked.

"Of course I do," she said.

"Well, it's gross! Two women together? That's disgusting!" her friend said. By now, they had attracted a small audience. Sara didn't care.

"First of all, friends hug all the time. It doesn't mean they're gay. And even if they were, just because it's different from you and what you're used to doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. It's who they are. It's not gross."

Needless to say, on an Oklahoma playground, her comments were not well received. But she didn't back down, even when her opinion was clearly unpopular. I am so proud of her for standing up for what she believes with grace and confidence under pressure, something many adults aren't capable of doing.

My daughters are both amazing, and they each have their strengths. This is Sara's. I can hardly wait to see who she becomes.

365

So much to say and no words to say it...I've never really known this kind of contentment. I know who I am. Not only that, but damn, I like this girl...I'm not scared. I'm not sad. For the very first time in my life, I'm not TRYING to fit in anywhere. I'm just being me, and living outside the lines. What stays with you...that's what's real. My girls. My friends. The Boy. My family. And I love them more than I can say. :)

He tried to break me. Instead, I blossomed.

Will You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

There are all kinds of people walking this earth. Most of them--like me--are fairly unremarkable. That isn't to say they don't have interesting characteristics. Everyone does. But the older I get and the more people I encounter, the more I realize just what a rare and precious commodity common sense actually IS.

There several different types of intelligence...depending on who you ask, there are anywhere from seven to nine specific types of intelligence identified within the field of psychology, and they really can tell us a lot about ourselves and how we learn most effectively. For example,  I tend to score highest on the verbal/linguistic and musical subtypes. But for some of us, these multiple intelligence subtypes can be generalized a little more simply.

Common sense. It SOUNDS like such a simple thing, doesn't it? It isn't. It's actually quite elusive and hard to come by, which is why when I find someone with any measurable amount of real common sense--be it friend or lover--I have an unfortunate tendency to want to hang on for dear life.

Anyone can pay money for a monkey education. They may go to a good school, they may study and make good grades and even graduate with honors and might excel in their field. They may make a killer salary and be good at what they do...and while I can absolutely respect all of that, here's the thing: they may still be practically helpless when they step out of their office at the end of the day.

What I really want to know is, do you have to have information spoonfed to you in a neat, organized manner, or can you pick it up in bits and pieces on the fly and put it all together later? Are you the type that asks if this will be included on the test? Can you pick up all of those random social cues and participate in that witty banter?

The ability to think quickly and abstractly is such a beautiful thing. To me, that's the very definition of common sense. Some people have a lot of it. Some have a little. Some have none. And maybe I'm wrong, but it does seem like practical intelligence is becoming somewhat less common. Here's the thing...if you have it, you need to be around other people who have it, too. Because you may not have very much patience for people without any. In fact, there are days when you may be secretly hoping for the Zombie Apocalypse just to hurry up and sort it all out.

Farewell, Old Friend...

In the early days of 1997, I was living in a tiny rental house on Hurd Street with my then-fiancé. The house was older and it actually had the mailbox attached to the house on the front porch...one day, I opened the front door to collect the mail, and in walked a tiny gray cat, who had seemingly been standing at the door waiting.

She marched into the little house, surveyed me and her surroundings, and after apparently deciding we would suit her needs, plopped down on the rug. She purred contentedly and I scratched her head. We became her people, because she adopted us.

She was an older kitten, according to the vet...probably 6-8 months old. We had her spayed immediately. She was the most affectionate cat I had ever encountered. She loved everyone, and lived to be around people. There was nothing aloof or arrogant about this cat. She was all sweetness...unless you were a mouse.

As a mouser, she was fierce and dedicated. She was small her whole life...about 6 pounds at her heaviest point. She had tiny, delicate feet and a pretty, dainty face. She looked so ladylike...and yet if a mouse dared to cross the threshhold of any of our homes, she would hunt them down like a trained assassin.

She was incredibly quiet, and said very little. She moved with her poor college-aged newlywed parents from pillar to post and lived in 6 different houses. She had excellent manners and a kind disposition. When we had our girls, she showed no jealousy, and rook right to loving them, and would curl up next to them for naps in their cribs if we forgot to shut the door..

She WAS exasperated 5 years ago when Santa brought a kitten to our house. She was far more exasperated in April when I adopted a Great Dane/Lab mix puppy as a watch dog. Still, there was no question of her gentle but firm authority. She may have been the smallest, most soft-spoken animal in the house, but it was entirely her domain.

In her senior years, she lost all of her teeth.  I bought her canned food and gave her extra love. She went partially blind, but her spirits and happy disposition never wavered.

This morning, or sometime last night, she left us for good. It appears as though she simply went to sleep. When she didn't come out to be fed or come when she was called, I knew something was very wrong. I was right.

Some parts of it I couldn't handle. I called my dear friend Adam to help me do the part I could not bring myself to do. I am so blessed to have such good people in my life.

And I was so blessed to have nearly 18 happy years with her. She brought me so much joy, especially in the past 2 years since my divorce. When I had double pneumonia, she knew. From the day I started to feel under the weather through my fever-induced delirium, she stayed by my side. When I was crippled by depression for several months that summer and fall, she was there, all the time. Her loyalty touched and comforted me. When I was laid up with a broken ankle this past summer, she planted herself next to me and refused to leave my side.

Tonight I am heartbroken beyond words, and have cried so many tears, I'm surprised the well is not yet dry. But I am also grateful for the kindness and love shown to me by so many. Ashley, Sarah, Levi,  Adam, Deanna, Adrienne, Emily, Chani, Todd, Cari, and my parents, in particular...not to mention everyone who reached out on facebook and in text messages. So many people made me feel loved in the face of sorrow. I am blessed beyond measure to have had this sweet fur baby in our family for so many years.

The girls are taking it hard, especially Sara...she's taking it every bit as hard as I am. I'm sure there are people out there who think it's silly to make such a fuss over a cat. But she was mine...before I was even married. Before I had my girls. She was mine, and she was beloved.

Farewell, Sweet Sam. I hope you're walking around in Kitty Heaven with a full set of teeth and restored vision, enjoying a tuna sandwich. :)

Plumbing Fail.

It happened a little over a week ago. I got up at 2 am and went to my bathroom to pee. Had I been more awake, I might have noticed the suspicious little wad of paper sitting in the bottom of the toilet, but that didn't happen. Half asleep, I emptied my wine-laden bladder and flushed. Water rushed into the bowl, all appeared normal, and then....

Nothing.

It didn't overflow. It didn't go down. Nothing.

Instantly awake and alarmed because of an irrational fear of plumbing irregularities, I grabbed the plunger and plunged. Twice. Three times.

Nothing.

Tired and irritated, especially because there was no visible reason for this to be occurring, I padded down the hall to the kitchen and grabbed the dish soap. (Every college girl has used this trick at her boyfriend's house at least once, whether she admits it or not.) I squeezed a substantial amount into the bowl and closed the lid, figuring I'd try again in the morning, and went back to bed.

The next morning, I'd forgotten entirely about my middle of the night plumbing woes. I opened the lid and saw the pool of bright red slime coating the mostly-empty bowl. What the.....?

Wait. Dish soap! The bottle sat innocently on the back of the toilet in its unassuming pomegranate glory. Right. Surely this did the trick....I flushed again.

Nothing.

I plunged, to no avail. Now I'm just pissed...which I remembered I still needed to do. I use the girls' bathroom and head back to my room to wake up Sara, who had fallen asleep watching TV in my bed.

"Noooooooo!" she protests.

"Sorry, Kid. You have to get up."

She starts to walk into my bathroom, and I stop her, telling her the toilet is messed up, and to use the other bathroom.

"Yeah. It sounded funny when I flushed it last night," she says.

Wait. What??!

Awesome.

I made several more fruitless attempts at plunging and dish soap application over the next several days. Finally, I bit the bullet and called my sometime-beau and Handler of Household Problems and admitted my toilet was broken.

This was a rather difficult thing for me...for although we have known each other for 9 months and are extremely fond of one another, our relationship is not exactly serious. He has never seen me first thing in the morning...and I would prefer him to think I have no need for a toilet at all, thankyouverymuch...but alas, my standbys had failed me and it was time to call in a professional...and by that, I mean my contractor non-boyfriend (NBF).

"My plumbing is jacked up..." I inform him.

The pause is a long one. "Okay........so, when you say that, what exactly do you mean?" He sounds amused.

"Oh, for heaven's sake! It's not a euphemism!" I explain the series of events that has brought me to this lowly state.

"Have you plunged it?" he asks.

"Come on, Levi! Do you really think I'd be calling you about a clogged toilet if I hadn't already tried plunging it?" I'm getting pretty impatient with him, but he seems to have a point to make, so I cut him a little slack.

"Okay, but when you plunged it, did you really get in there and put a lot of pressure on it and move it around so the pipes rattled when you did it? Or did you just kind of shove it in there and pull it out a few times and it didn't work?"

It was my turn to pause. Surely I've been properly plunging toilets for the past 30 - odd years...right? "I think so......?"

"You think so? Well, did you or didn't you?" Now he sounds impatient.

"I don't know! I'm a girl! No one has ever specifically pulled me aside and taught me how to plunge a toilet, but I've been relatively successful up to now!" I retort.

"Okay.....you may just not be putting enough pressure on it." Is it just me, or does he sound a little condescending now?

"I don't know!! Maybe not!! Are you really telling me I need a boy to come and rattle my pipes properly, because I've been doing it wrong all this time? Like the plumbing equivalent of just lying there?!!"

Clearly, I've frightened him a little, but he laughs anyway and promises he'll bring his tools over tomorrow, including a snake if he needs to use it........................

Still. Not a euphemism.

****Update. I do not, in fact, know how to properly use a plunger. And Levi can be incredibly smug.