No, I'm not talking about my bra, although let's face it; sometimes that's a problem. I'm talking about my friends. With Easter on the horizon, I've been thinking about how so many incredible people have had an impact on my life...whether it's someone I talk to every day, or someone far away who is a source of unwavering support, or simply someone who continually inspires me. This much I know: I wouldn't have gotten through the past couple of years without you guys. Here is my ode to everyone:
Sword-Buster: You have seen me at my best and my worst over the past several years, and on oh-so-many occasions, you have been a rock. You have my back, no questions asked, no bullshit, no judgment ever, all the time. Not only that, but you will personally hunt down and kick the shit out of anyone who hurts me. I didn't want you to think any of it had gone unnoticed...and I will always return the favor--at least, the being there and the listening and the non-judgey parts. Not the ass-kicking. I'll leave that to you...
E: You've been a part of my life for so long, I don't remember what it is NOT to have you in it. Thanks for serving as my punching bag from time to time, for putting up with all of my crap, for shaking your head and laughing it off at the end of the day--because, well, that's what we do. Thank you for noticing the shy, awkward tall girl with the huge rack and the bad hair all those years ago, because she never would have had the courage to talk to you herself.
Kiki: My life would in no way be complete without your opinions and sarcasm and (occasional) disapproval, all of which are doled out--somehow--with love. I don't know where I'd be without your unconditional support and friendship...and with you, I have also been blessed with the extension of your own family, whom I love dearly. (Angel and John, that's you, too!) I am SO grateful for all those damn Girl Scout lock-ins we had to chaperone together...and how it never failed that we were still up and giggling long after all of the girls had drifted off. Love you!
Lisa: No matter where I am in the book, you're pretty much always on the same page. It has occurred to me that in four years of working together, we've never ONCE argued...I'm not even sure we've disagreed on anything of note. You always have good ideas, you make me laugh, and you can talk me down from the ledge when necessary. And while we make it all seem like it's no big deal...it is. :)
D: Let's face it, you're the one who makes me beautiful...you obviously get a spot on this list. ;) I'm kidding, of course, although your dedication to my wild locks is certainly admirable in and of itself. Not only are you totally supportive of everything I do, but watching you come into your own in the past few years has been truly inspirational. I have learned so much from you...I am in awe. <3<3
Nan: You're the Mother Hen, who keeps all the chicks in line, but loves them even though they misbehave sometimes. No one--and I mean NO ONE--works harder than you, and you deserve all you have to show for it. (But seriously...take a nap.) Thanks for checking up on me even when I fall off the radar, and for believing in me when I give you no reason to.
Krystal: I'm pretty sure you're the single funniest person I know...and that's high praise, because I know a lot of crazy smart, funny people. (See above and below.) It doesn't matter whether we're making fun of our own ridiculous lives or those of strangers, every obscure reference and deadpan remark hits home, and occasionally even makes me spew tea from my nose. You're like my Obi-Wan.
Sarah: You, too, need to take a nap...but then again, you've always worked too hard. I miss seeing you all the time like we did before I moved to the 'hood. You are one of the coolest, funniest chicks I know, and you always have a smile on your face! Your constant state of positivity is a joy and an inspiration!
Adrienne: At various points, we've worked together, played together, and even (briefly) lived together. You have more good stories about me than anyone, and when we get together, it's like we haven't missed a beat. Thanks for always being there. We'll write that book yet...
Beth: Duh...you're my sister. Absentee sister right now, but I'll take it. I'm so proud of you! I miss you...but am proud nonetheless.
Shananay, Beckie and Cari Jo: Damn, I miss you guys. Like, every day. Talking to you always just makes me feel better about my world. I hate that I don't get to see you and your families as much as I do the others, but rest assured in the knowledge that the door is always wide open, and we pick up easily where we left off. Although you're very different from each other, you've each brought something unique and wonderful to my life.
The Newbies: Yeah, I'm talking to you...April, Derek, Amanda, Nikki, Katie...all of you guys! Although I haven't known you that long, and some of you I met under strange circumstances, you bring a smile to my face, a laugh to my belly, and are always looking out for me and I am grateful. You guys are a blast!
The Rest: There are some of you I seldom see, who have still had a strong influence on my life. Like Mari, who helps keep my writer's block at bay, and is a witty, clever girl...and Kelly, who's in Alaska now, but is still as sweet as she can be...or my other Kelly in PA, a seriously funny girl who follows my writing and always has something positive to say. Like Linz, who is always good for a laugh, two decades after bonding over Strange Brew. To everyone who has taken the time to email me and tell me that something I've written has resonated with them...all of you have helped keep me going at times. I am thankful for each of you. No one in the world could ask for a better support system. Thank you all!!!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
WANTED:
One man, aged 30-45 years, preferably above 5'10 in height. Must be gainfully employed--with a regular paycheck--and able to string together an intelligent sentence and hold up roughly one-half of a conversation. Should own a car, have a wicked sense of humor, and be in decent shape. (A six-pack isn't necessary, but you should make some effort, for God's sake. I do.) Must occasionally pick up a book and watch/read the news. Must like children, or at least understand that children exist in actual physical form, and are living, breathing small humans with feelings and ideas. Must be open-minded, honest, and NICE. Nice is imperative. Educated is a plus, but some people are intelligent enough to glean sufficient knowledge from The School of Life. (See gainfully employed, above, for details.) Must be willing to listen when I talk and be able to make a decision. Must have decent manners and tip a minimum of 20%.
Must NOT live with a parent, be chronically underemployed, or think Jackass or Wipeout is quality TV. Must not own an Affliction shirt. Must not constantly quote Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, or Jim Carrey movies. Must not be so desperate for a relationship that you ask me to stay over and go to church with you the day after meeting me, when you haven't even made it to second base yet. (Because that's pathetic. Really.) Likewise, must not be riddled with committment issues or bitter toward women or relationships. (Just show up. Talk. Have fun. See what happens. We can figure out the details a little later. Is that really so hard?) MUST NOT EVER, under any circumstances, have hit, kicked, or shoved a woman (unless a fast-moving vehicle was bearing down on her), nor screamed obscenities in her face, for I'm not Rihanna and I will not put up with that bullshit. Must not have control issues, because we all know that just boils down to insecurity and poor self esteem and you need to grow up and grow a pair, not find a girlfriend to push around. Must be respectful to your parents, but NOT overly attached to your mother. (You'd better be doing your own cleaning and laundry by this age, unless you're paying someone to do it for you.) Must not lie. (See honesty, above.) Must not think country is the only musical genre. Must not have a Confederate flag depicted in any form anywhere on your vehicle or in your home. Must not live like a f***ing pig. (I don't need to be able to perform brain surgery on your floors, but I should be able to see them.) Must not be intimidated by a smart girl who speaks her mind and is somewhat fond of her independence. (Meaning I have no interest in sharing my bathroom with someone anytime soon. I want that second sink to STAY spotless for awhile.) Must not pout. Ever. Because you just look ridiculous.
In return, you get a sweet, cute thirtysomething girl with dark hair and blue eyes and (obviously) a wicked sense of humor, in reasonably good shape (see above), complete with all original parts. (Wait. I guess that's not entirely true...but I'll explain later.) I'm an excellent mother--okay, I'm a pretty good mother who loves her kids--and I love to cook, even though occasionally my experiments are a disaster. I like loud indie rock bands, books, wine, college football, NBA, and good movies. I like to be treated like a lady, not a possession. I don't care if you want to go hang out with the guys, as long as you let me know what's up. I have a few other skills, but not many people know about them, and you have to be willing to take some time to get to know me--really well--if you ever want to find out what they are. I'll dress up when you take me out, but I'm just as happy hanging out on the couch and watching a movie. I'm far from perfect--I probably swear a little too often, I have a few trust issues, and I get pissy sometimes, but I'm loyal and I have a good heart. Oh, and I'm way too tall and awkward to dance, unless it's a slow song. So if you're looking to spend every other weekend at some club in Bricktown, you'd best just move along. You can find me at a dive bar with good live music.
Interested parties meeting the aforementioned criteria (and Nick Collison) may inquire within. Please note a probationary period will be required for all serious applicants. (Except for Nick Collison.)
Must NOT live with a parent, be chronically underemployed, or think Jackass or Wipeout is quality TV. Must not own an Affliction shirt. Must not constantly quote Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, or Jim Carrey movies. Must not be so desperate for a relationship that you ask me to stay over and go to church with you the day after meeting me, when you haven't even made it to second base yet. (Because that's pathetic. Really.) Likewise, must not be riddled with committment issues or bitter toward women or relationships. (Just show up. Talk. Have fun. See what happens. We can figure out the details a little later. Is that really so hard?) MUST NOT EVER, under any circumstances, have hit, kicked, or shoved a woman (unless a fast-moving vehicle was bearing down on her), nor screamed obscenities in her face, for I'm not Rihanna and I will not put up with that bullshit. Must not have control issues, because we all know that just boils down to insecurity and poor self esteem and you need to grow up and grow a pair, not find a girlfriend to push around. Must be respectful to your parents, but NOT overly attached to your mother. (You'd better be doing your own cleaning and laundry by this age, unless you're paying someone to do it for you.) Must not lie. (See honesty, above.) Must not think country is the only musical genre. Must not have a Confederate flag depicted in any form anywhere on your vehicle or in your home. Must not live like a f***ing pig. (I don't need to be able to perform brain surgery on your floors, but I should be able to see them.) Must not be intimidated by a smart girl who speaks her mind and is somewhat fond of her independence. (Meaning I have no interest in sharing my bathroom with someone anytime soon. I want that second sink to STAY spotless for awhile.) Must not pout. Ever. Because you just look ridiculous.
In return, you get a sweet, cute thirtysomething girl with dark hair and blue eyes and (obviously) a wicked sense of humor, in reasonably good shape (see above), complete with all original parts. (Wait. I guess that's not entirely true...but I'll explain later.) I'm an excellent mother--okay, I'm a pretty good mother who loves her kids--and I love to cook, even though occasionally my experiments are a disaster. I like loud indie rock bands, books, wine, college football, NBA, and good movies. I like to be treated like a lady, not a possession. I don't care if you want to go hang out with the guys, as long as you let me know what's up. I have a few other skills, but not many people know about them, and you have to be willing to take some time to get to know me--really well--if you ever want to find out what they are. I'll dress up when you take me out, but I'm just as happy hanging out on the couch and watching a movie. I'm far from perfect--I probably swear a little too often, I have a few trust issues, and I get pissy sometimes, but I'm loyal and I have a good heart. Oh, and I'm way too tall and awkward to dance, unless it's a slow song. So if you're looking to spend every other weekend at some club in Bricktown, you'd best just move along. You can find me at a dive bar with good live music.
Interested parties meeting the aforementioned criteria (and Nick Collison) may inquire within. Please note a probationary period will be required for all serious applicants. (Except for Nick Collison.)
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