An Open Letter to Thirteen-Year-Old Girls Around the World

On behalf of Disgruntled Mothers everywhere...

Look, we know things in your world are a little weird right now. We know that you are dealing with some issues you've never had. We know that you're hormonal, and that you're bitchy, and your body is changing every day. We know that you are going to test boundaries no matter what we do. We know that in your mind, the universe revolves around you and you alone. We know that while you're spending hours locked away in your room, you're living out a whole different existence that may well include boys, bad language, stupid decisions, and slamming the very people who raised you and continue to love you and put up with your crap day after day in hopes that one day, they get through, and you figure out that it's not all a big conspiracy against you. We know you can justify anything to yourself, and we know that most of the time, you think we are a ridiculous waste of space, and that we don't have a clue.

WE KNOW.

Here is what else we want you to know...YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T UNDERESTIMATE US.

If you go missing in action for an hour after school, at least do us the courtesy of having something better to offer than "I needed fresh air, so I went for a walk" when it's 34 degrees outside with a bitter wind. (Really?! That's insulting. We know you think no one in the world is smarter than you, but please don't forget who installed that hardware.)

In the event that you really DON'T have anything better to offer, do not even THINK about acting offended when we call you out on your ridiculous bullshit. We may not know where you were--YET--but we know when you're spoonfeeding us total crap, and you can rest assured that we will figure out the answer by virtually any means necessary.

If you bring home a report card with NINE homework zeroes and an 88 in Spanish, then proceed to roll your eyes and say, "no one else's parents get bent out of shape when they get a B on their report card," guess what? Your life--at least as you knew it, complete with sleepovers, Friday nights out with friends, and a cell phone, ipod, and tablet at your fingertips--is effectively over. Getting a B when you've actually worked for it is one thing. Getting a default B because you know you don't have to DO the work to ace the test is a whole different animal. (Guess how we know this?)

Guess how we know everything we know? Because we did it, or else we watched our friends do it and helped them cover their tracks. The world may look a little different in a lot of ways...you may be dealing with a few issues we never even dreamed of having, courtesy of a screwed-up society where Bat-Shit Crazy is the new Normal. Trust me, we're dealing with those same issues ourselves, on a different level. But when it comes to boys, lying, slacking off, and generally feeling superior to everyone around you, we've all been there, and we know your game. Give us a little credit, will you?

What we want you to realize is that the choice is really YOURS. We can be your greatest ally or your worst nightmare, but it's up to you to decide which way we're going to go. We have a job to do, and we're going to get it done, simple as that. You cannot deter us in our mission. Love us or hate us (and we would all prefer the former, but can handle the latter), we will do whatever it takes to turn you into a happy, productive, independent adult. We will do anything we can to help you live up to your potential.

WE WANT YOU TO BE BETTER THAN WE WERE.

That's because we love you more than anything...remember that the next time you've slammed your bedroom door in a fit of tears, because we took your phone away...remember that when you are standing in the hallway at school, telling your friends what a bitch your mom can be...remember that when you think you hate us. I can guarantee none of us knew exactly how hard this job would actually end up BEING...but we still wouldn't trade it--or you--for anything.

Lincoln, Les Mis, and Lisa

I am blessed with the privilege of hanging out with one of my best friends four days a week at the office. I met Lisa about five years ago, when she came through as a fourth-year pharmacy student on rotation, and she and I quickly realized we practically shared the same brain.

Our tastes in all things are so uncannily similar...food, music, books, movies, parenting styles, and politics...you name it...we probably agree on it. We are both bookworms and history nerds. We both have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and a left-leaning take-everything-with-a-grain-of-salt outlook on the world. It goes without saying that I value her opinions, and vice versa.

Movies are no exception.

A few weeks ago, Michael and I went to see Lincoln. I have long been fascinated with Number 16, both for the tremendous role he played in our country's history as a leader, as well as for the behind-the-scenes stories of his life and his family. How inspiring to be able to overcome so much personal tragedy and see such misery and still have such a great impact on an entire nation...it takes me months to recover from a bad breakup, for God's sake...what the hell made THIS guy tick? I'm still not sure...but Daniel Day-Lewis clearly knows. I have seldom seen any actor so perfectly embody his character in a film the way he did. The performance was so good that I forgot--at times--that I was watching an actor's portrayal of a man who has been dead for nearly 150 years. Daniel Day-Lewis managed to resurrect him on the big screen.

As I left the theater, I sent Lisa a text. She saw the movie the following week and gave a nearly identical review.

The following week, she came in insisting that I proceed to the nearest theater to see Les Miserables...and although I'm usually not a HUGE fan of musicals in general, and Les Mis historically isn't one of my favorite shows, I went, mostly because she told me to.

Wow.

It's a good thing Daniel Day-Lewis and Anne Hathaway won't have to compete for the same award. I mean, seriously, who knew the girl had THAT in her? The movie is a great adaptation and is visually stunning, and Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean is impressive as all-get-out...but every other performance in that film--and most of them are strong performances--pales in comparison to hers. The desperation and misery of Fantine are felt in every word and every note she sings. I have little doubt this will be the role she is always remembered for best.

I think next up should be Silver Linings Playbook...we'll let you know what we think. :)