So the Question of the Day for TODAY is simply: What are your thoughts about tomorrow's election?
First of all, let me preface this by saying I have no intention of giving away who I'm voting for tomorrow...those of you who know me well already know, and your view of this post will likely be clouded by your opinions, because let's be honest...that's what we DO. I would guess there are approximately four actual undecided voters in this country tonight. Most of us have known for quite some time which candidate we would be supporting, and thus, we have likewise chosen which brand of media to consume based on this knowledge. I would venture to say some people knew what side they were voting for before primary season had even really begun and a party nomination was determined. I can say with some pride that I am NOT one of those people.
I can also say, in all honesty, I try not to vote that way. I'm not always successful, but I try...as I'm considering the various issues and proposed policies, I make a concerted effort to see both sides of an argument and consider not only how individual issues would affect me personally, but how it would affect the country as a whole, and choose my candidates based on who I feel represents the best interests of the majority of Americans. Far too many people cast their votes without giving any thought to the greater good. I want a President who belongs to everybody, and will work across party lines. Social issues can be sticky...at the end of the day, you have to be able to sleep at night, so obviously a certain level of emotion is going to play into choosing a candidate. I just feel too much emotion can sometimes cloud good judgement.
As far as this campaign goes, I am disappointed with both candidates. Both ran negative campaigns based largely on information that was either misleading, taken out of context, and in certain cases, an outright fabrication. I'd much rather hear about your experience--your successes, yes, but also your failures and what you learned from them. I'll have so much more respect for someone who demonstrates to me WHY he's human, instead of pointing out the flaws of another.
All of that being said...I have little to no respect for someone who doesn't even try to educate themselves on the issues. Living in this country is a privilege, and responsible citizens should take full advantage of their rights. Do a little research. Watch the debates. Ask questions. Check facts. Voting a straight-party ticket is lazy, and I hate the fact that the option still exists, at least in Oklahoma. Educate yourself, because it's your responsibility. Especially if you have kids. For the love of God, set them a good example.
Tomorrow, I will take Sara with me to the polls before school starts, so she can watch democracy in action (sort of). Tonight, I made a traditional Election Day yeast-risen cake with my kids, and explained the history of the tradition. I answered my daughters' questions about the candidates as honestly and impartially as I could--with the understanding that I'm human. I have not come out and told them who I'm voting for...not yet. I would never bash either side in front of them, because I want them to have respect for the Office of the President, no matter who it is. And you know what, folks? We don't know who's going to win yet.
I'm thankful I live in this country, where I have a say (sort of), and I hope my kids learn to take full advantage of those rights and responsibilities they have as citizens.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
A Seemingly Endless Parade of Ridiculous People...
Okay...I'm not usually one for jumping up on a soapbox...but today was exactly that. It's a holiday. I couldn't squeeze a swimming pool invitation out of anyone I knew to save my soul, and I quickly discarded my fleeting idea to use my ex-boy's apartment gate code to borrow his pool. (Probably not the best example to set for your children, right?) I admitted defeat to the girls and cheerfully offered a movie and a trip to the mall...although disappointed, they perked up and off we went...to the MALL...on LABOR DAY...because for a smart girl, I can be a little bit stupid sometimes.
We are, of course, cutting it a little close on the movie time, because Emily has to apply full makeup before she can possibly appear at the mall...but we got there, no problem, and started making our way through the throngs of people to the theater downstairs. Of course, we immediately get behind a group of people doing what I call The Oklahoma Shuffle.
This is a large group, both in number and in size, that spans the entire length of the mall corridor and shuffles along at a snail's pace, oblivious. There may or may not be a Fat Person on a Scooter in this group...and there is frequently a guy in a wife-beater among them, as well as a number of children who seem to be generally unsupervised, in spite of their relatively close proximity to their parents.
When not wandering aimlessly, you may find this group at a table in the food court with a super-sized Value Meal. Or, like the family in front of me in line at the movie concession...who ordered two pepperoni pizzas, an order of nachos, 3 hot dogs, a large popcorn, and 3 DIET COKES. Meanwhile, I'm missing half the f***ing movie waiting to order the medium popcorn that the girls and I share, an iced tea, and two bottled waters. (Occasionally, I add a bag of Skittles for us to split.)
It would be one thing if they were only feeding themselves this junk, or if it really WAS an occasional treat...but we live in a state where 25% of the children are overweight or obese, along with one in three adults. I'm not perfect...I've struggled from time to time with the scale, and I'm sure I will again. I really believe that healthy comes in a variety of sizes...the girl in size 12 or 14 jeans may actually be in better shape than the girl in a 2. But I've yet to meet anyone in a 26W that was the picture of health...I haven't met a kid or adult who couldn't remember the last time an actual fresh fruit or vegetable passed their lips who was in awesome shape. I've never come across someone whose diet consists primarily of convenience foods (all processed, all the time!) that didn't struggle with weight and/or health issues. And yet, these are all too often the people I hear complaining about their issues....their weight...their joint problems...their kid's ADHD...their diabetes...and my favorite, how much all of those meds cost them every month.
If I didn't come into contact with them every day...if I didn't write a healthy family column for a parenting magazine...maybe it wouldn't annoy me so much. I do a good job of remaining politically correct for my jobs. But why is it so hard for people to use a little common sense when they feed their children? Include all the food groups, in reasonable proportions...put a little color on their plates...give them fresh fruits and vegetables, and do it EVERY day...and maybe set a good example. It's your JOB. Don't obsess, no one has to be perfect...but make dessert an actual TREAT, not a regular occurrence. Don't take no for an answer. Don't let them become those people who think every single thing they eat has to be something they LOVE, or who go to a friend's house for dinner and don't eat anything, because it isn't frozen pizza or macaroni and cheese. And for the love of God, do NOT turn around and feel sorry for my kids because they make an effort to eat something green every time they sit down, even if it's just to make me happy. Because you know what? Eventually, they'll do it on their own...don't feel bad for them because they don't gey dessert every day, or because there aren't hot dogs and lunchables in our fridge. I promise you, they're okay. They OCCASIONALLY get junk food, too. It just really IS occasional.
I joke about stereotypes, but I understand them. Sometimes, they're honest. I was the 185-lb 12-year-old who was never told "no" and had no idea how to eat healthy. That was back when it was a whole lot less common to be overweight at such a young age, and people genuinely WEREN'T as educated about healthy eating. It was a fairly shitty existence, though. I watched my parents yo-yo from one fad diet to the next, and I existed on large portions and processed food. I've never again weighed as much as I did then, and I knew I wanted different for my kids, so I've done my best. They're healthy, they're smart, and they're well-behaved. Do me a favor, and don't see them as deprived. And maybe speed up, or at least get out of the way so we can get to our movie on time? Thanks...
We are, of course, cutting it a little close on the movie time, because Emily has to apply full makeup before she can possibly appear at the mall...but we got there, no problem, and started making our way through the throngs of people to the theater downstairs. Of course, we immediately get behind a group of people doing what I call The Oklahoma Shuffle.
This is a large group, both in number and in size, that spans the entire length of the mall corridor and shuffles along at a snail's pace, oblivious. There may or may not be a Fat Person on a Scooter in this group...and there is frequently a guy in a wife-beater among them, as well as a number of children who seem to be generally unsupervised, in spite of their relatively close proximity to their parents.
When not wandering aimlessly, you may find this group at a table in the food court with a super-sized Value Meal. Or, like the family in front of me in line at the movie concession...who ordered two pepperoni pizzas, an order of nachos, 3 hot dogs, a large popcorn, and 3 DIET COKES. Meanwhile, I'm missing half the f***ing movie waiting to order the medium popcorn that the girls and I share, an iced tea, and two bottled waters. (Occasionally, I add a bag of Skittles for us to split.)
It would be one thing if they were only feeding themselves this junk, or if it really WAS an occasional treat...but we live in a state where 25% of the children are overweight or obese, along with one in three adults. I'm not perfect...I've struggled from time to time with the scale, and I'm sure I will again. I really believe that healthy comes in a variety of sizes...the girl in size 12 or 14 jeans may actually be in better shape than the girl in a 2. But I've yet to meet anyone in a 26W that was the picture of health...I haven't met a kid or adult who couldn't remember the last time an actual fresh fruit or vegetable passed their lips who was in awesome shape. I've never come across someone whose diet consists primarily of convenience foods (all processed, all the time!) that didn't struggle with weight and/or health issues. And yet, these are all too often the people I hear complaining about their issues....their weight...their joint problems...their kid's ADHD...their diabetes...and my favorite, how much all of those meds cost them every month.
If I didn't come into contact with them every day...if I didn't write a healthy family column for a parenting magazine...maybe it wouldn't annoy me so much. I do a good job of remaining politically correct for my jobs. But why is it so hard for people to use a little common sense when they feed their children? Include all the food groups, in reasonable proportions...put a little color on their plates...give them fresh fruits and vegetables, and do it EVERY day...and maybe set a good example. It's your JOB. Don't obsess, no one has to be perfect...but make dessert an actual TREAT, not a regular occurrence. Don't take no for an answer. Don't let them become those people who think every single thing they eat has to be something they LOVE, or who go to a friend's house for dinner and don't eat anything, because it isn't frozen pizza or macaroni and cheese. And for the love of God, do NOT turn around and feel sorry for my kids because they make an effort to eat something green every time they sit down, even if it's just to make me happy. Because you know what? Eventually, they'll do it on their own...don't feel bad for them because they don't gey dessert every day, or because there aren't hot dogs and lunchables in our fridge. I promise you, they're okay. They OCCASIONALLY get junk food, too. It just really IS occasional.
I joke about stereotypes, but I understand them. Sometimes, they're honest. I was the 185-lb 12-year-old who was never told "no" and had no idea how to eat healthy. That was back when it was a whole lot less common to be overweight at such a young age, and people genuinely WEREN'T as educated about healthy eating. It was a fairly shitty existence, though. I watched my parents yo-yo from one fad diet to the next, and I existed on large portions and processed food. I've never again weighed as much as I did then, and I knew I wanted different for my kids, so I've done my best. They're healthy, they're smart, and they're well-behaved. Do me a favor, and don't see them as deprived. And maybe speed up, or at least get out of the way so we can get to our movie on time? Thanks...
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Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Dear Autocorrect...
Okay, look...I know you mean well. But you can't change me. I really do swear like a sailor, so you might as well accept it and stop trying to clean up my act. When I type hell, I can all but GUARANTEE I didn't mean to say jello. When I say fuck, I don't mean duck. Shit is really supposed to say shit, not shot or shut...and I've entered these words into your vocabulary so many times, you should remember them on your own. Stop giving me the benefit of the doubt already....THIS IS WHO I AM! You don't have to protect my friends from my potentially offensive texts. They know me and accept me in all my foul-mouthed glory...why don't you?!
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Friday, July 27, 2012
Makes Sense to ME...
As a rule, writers tend to be a little on the crazy side. Forgive me for generalizing...it's just an observation I've made over the years. If it helps, I include myself among this slightly-crazy population. It isn't necessarily a bad crazy...in my opinion, the more intelligent and creative a person is, the more potential there is for crazy. How can you know all the shit you know about this world--which is, let's face it, a little f***ed up--and NOT be a little concerned about where we're all going to end up? Creative minds often wander into strange territory. You just have to be smart enough to manage it.
I think I got off fairly easy in the crazy department. When I'm being irrational, I am fully aware of said irrationality...some people aren't so lucky, and I'm grateful for this discernment ability. I just think sometimes my filter operates on a slight delay. Obviously I KNOW not all of the shit that runs through my brain is appropriate and rational. I just can't always keep it in there. However, in most cases, I am fully functional--even moderately successful--in social situations. When I am being irrational, there is a very good reason for it, and usually the only people who are going to see it are those who are closest to me. Not everyone can plan their crazy...certainly not to the point that they're apologizing for it almost as it's happening. Would it be better if it didn't happen at all? Sure. But do I still feel like I got off relatively easy in the crazy department, all things considered? Absolutely.
I've worked in HR long enough to know that some people don't even come with a filter mechanism. It can sometimes feel a little like being a high school counselor...but that's okay, because people have always fascinated me. Obviously--I got a psych degree for a reason. In the past month, I've come to the conclusion that I really should be using it...even if it's only to help people so they don't become quite as messed up as I am. So I applied to OU's MHR program, and was accepted...I can sit for my LPC exams through this program. I can also learn how to be a better HR person. Either way, maybe I can help someone moderate their crazy before they turn into a total train wreck. Maybe I can even learn to manage my own train-wreck moments. I've had more of them than ever in the past couple of years. It's time to pass that baton. Wish me luck.
I think I got off fairly easy in the crazy department. When I'm being irrational, I am fully aware of said irrationality...some people aren't so lucky, and I'm grateful for this discernment ability. I just think sometimes my filter operates on a slight delay. Obviously I KNOW not all of the shit that runs through my brain is appropriate and rational. I just can't always keep it in there. However, in most cases, I am fully functional--even moderately successful--in social situations. When I am being irrational, there is a very good reason for it, and usually the only people who are going to see it are those who are closest to me. Not everyone can plan their crazy...certainly not to the point that they're apologizing for it almost as it's happening. Would it be better if it didn't happen at all? Sure. But do I still feel like I got off relatively easy in the crazy department, all things considered? Absolutely.
I've worked in HR long enough to know that some people don't even come with a filter mechanism. It can sometimes feel a little like being a high school counselor...but that's okay, because people have always fascinated me. Obviously--I got a psych degree for a reason. In the past month, I've come to the conclusion that I really should be using it...even if it's only to help people so they don't become quite as messed up as I am. So I applied to OU's MHR program, and was accepted...I can sit for my LPC exams through this program. I can also learn how to be a better HR person. Either way, maybe I can help someone moderate their crazy before they turn into a total train wreck. Maybe I can even learn to manage my own train-wreck moments. I've had more of them than ever in the past couple of years. It's time to pass that baton. Wish me luck.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Emotional Hermitry...
Before you ask, since this is my blog, I get to make up whatever rules or words I want to as I go along, and you as my public are expected to just roll with it...I haven't written much lately. You may have noticed...or you may have all forgotten about this damn blog months ago, and who could blame you if you did, as it is mostly just me rambling through a bunch of bullshit that's been bouncing around in my brain when I can't sleep--which is most of the time. I swear, you people probably think I'm on drugs...but anyway, I haven't written on account of my emotional hermitry...interestingly, it was me commenting to a friend and fellow writer that SHE had been rather quiet of late that coined this little gem of a phrase...and left me thinking, "yeah. I totally do that, too."
I've been in a funk for the past month or two, one I've had a hard time shaking. I'm behind at work, had a falling out with a friend, got my house beaten all to hell in a hailstorm, and finally figured it was time to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't that N didn't want a girlfriend...he just didn't want ME. At least, not as his girlfriend. However, I've racked up yet another guy friend whom I adore, and I'm beginning to think my future lies mainly in being the inappropriate female sidekick to guys the world over. (On the other hand, what do you really expect from the girl who, on our second date, leans over and whispers that the visibly sweaty and uncomfortable residents in the opening scene of Hitchcock's Rear Window are "a bunch of pussies" when the thermometer flashes across the screen showing 90 degrees?) It's not like anyone is ever clamoring to bring me home to meet their mom or anything...not unless your mother is Chelsea Handler...
But emotional hermitry isn't really an excuse...I should be talking, because hiding is easy and it's a cop-out, and it has never once proved helpful in the past. The thing I didn't expect about letting go of the idea of that possibility was that I would feel somewhat relieved...like the pressure was off and I could be me again. All I had been was anxious for weeks, and it had stopped being fun...but because of the feelings I had for him, I wasn't ready to let "us" go, not completely. That's the way it is, I guess, with the first guy you fall for post-divorce. And I have to tip my hat to him...I can be a handful. He hung in there and STILL somehow sees some good in me, even though he's had the misfortune of seeing me at my absolute worst. For that, and for so many other reasons, I know that whatever it was, it was right. It was right that we met, it was right that we clicked got to know each other as well as we did, and I'm glad. I'm glad to have him, however I have him.
And since we hadn't been exclusive for months, and because I do tend to land on my feet more often than on my ass, I'm already seeing someone else...and I'm kinda excited, in a way I haven't been excited since N walked onto the scene last September. And trust me, I've gone out with a couple dozen that DIDN'T make the cut. I know what I want....I want to laugh so hard I'm in danger of peeing on myself. I want intelligent conversation, and someone who shares my tastes and sees past my appearance. And having Chelsea Handler for a mother sure as hell would be a bonus. Otherwise, I'm just the girl your mom warned you about. Granted, she probably never mentioned I'd be so much fun!
I cast thee aside, Emotional Hermitry...go ahead and bring it on!
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Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Honeybabysweetiepie 101
As a lifelong resident of this great (?) state, I am no stranger to the use of Terms of Endearment as Regular Pronouns. On the other hand, I'm smart enough to know what's acceptable here isn't necessarily okay...oh, anywhere north of the state line, and I adjust accordinly when I travel. And while these rules have never been committed to writing (so far as my extensive--and by that I mean zero--research indicates), I am always amazed that there are even fellow Southerners (and Middlers like me) who do not observe these unspoken rules. Therefore, as a courtesy to my fellow man, please allow me to enlighten you.
First of all, let me offer a disclaimer: Oklahoma falls into that gray area I like to call the Cowboy South (because it sounds more flattering than most of the other descriptors that spring to mind.) Southerners do not claim us. Texas is our closest neighbor and our fellow residents of the Cowboy South, as their landscape, resources, and lifestyles most closely resemble our own. However, Texas would kind of prefer to pretend Oklahoma does not exist...it's like we're a hat they've forgotten they're wearing. This determined nonacknowledgement gets pretty difficult during football season, when we've stolen their most promising recruits and the Red River Rivalry is looming large...but I digress. My point is, the Cowboy South and the True South have similar rules when it comes to the use of Endearments as Pronouns. Consider the following User's Guide:
Honey:
For Females: This is the go-to term in Oklahoma. Girls and women of all ages can and do use it liberally with both genders with little fear of being considered inappropriate, with the following exceptions: students should never address their teachers, nor should children address their parents in this manner. Additionally, avoid using it with members of the clergy. Pretty much anything else is fair game, though. "Honey" in the Deep South may be liberally interchanged with "sugar," "darlin," or "sweetheart," all of which mean the same thing coming from a female. While these variations are less common among Oklahoma natives, they are usually considered acceptable, especially if they are delivered with a Dixie-laced accent. Now, you may be wise to make geographical adjustments as necessary. Is my largely accent-less self going to respond "thanks, honey!" to the sweet-faced server who brings me a drink in Chicago? Probably not unless it's a guy and I think he's hot...
For Males: While it is generally permissible for women to address men as "honey" regardless of their relationship, this rule does NOT go both ways. For simplicity's sake, I will use my 35-year-old self as an example. The following people may call me "honey" without fear of being considered in any way creepy:
--If you are attempting to get a date with me, and there is an inappropriate use of such terminology, I can pretty well guarantee it won't happen, with me or any other intelligent, attractive woman in this state. Please use caution.
--If you are trying to sell me something and these guidelines are breached, you just lost your commission.
--If you are going to be doing work on my car...please...for the love of God...JUST. DON'T. DO. IT.
Baby:
General: Whiile far less common than "honey," it is not completely unheard of for women to occasionally refer to their closest friends (again, of either gender) as "babe." I will also accept "babe" from male friends, provided I have known them a good decade or longer, as well as guys that I am legitimately dating, even if it isn't particularly serious. To go full-on "baby." however, generally implies that the person whom you are addressing either A) is someone you gave birth to or in some way contributed to their DNA makeup, or B) has recently seen you naked, and it wasn't in a locker room. Otherwise, let's keep this one tucked away in the Sooner State, shall we?
Sweetheart (or Sweetie):
General: For the most part, the same rules apply to these terms as apply to "honey." It's simply less common here and more common in other regions. Again, some leeway may be given at the listener's discretion based on accent. That is, if you can actually make out what they're saying...there's a guy I've been dating off and on for the past 8 or 9 months, and I still can't understand him when we talk on the phone to save my soul. (He's from the Memphis area.) Texting just works better in such cases, followed by face-to-face conversations.
Other General Tips:
--You may use "bless her heart" as a broad-spectrum disclaimer for virtually any disparaging comment that precedes or follows, i.e., "Bless her heart, she won't be winning any beauty contests any time soon." Or, "bless her heart, her Mama never taught her how not to be such a nasty bitch."
--Y'all is a perfectly acceptable contraction for "you all."
--We have relatively few colloquial slang terms...more of a tendency to run our words together without any attempt to enunciate. For example "jeet jet?" translates to "Did you eat yet?"
--Please never, EVER use the movie or the musical Oklahoma! as a translation reference...or just don't refer to it at all. That would be great...
And to the random guy in the silver Corvette who called me "honey" yesterday, I dedicate this post and offer the following message: NOT IN THIS LIFETIME.
First of all, let me offer a disclaimer: Oklahoma falls into that gray area I like to call the Cowboy South (because it sounds more flattering than most of the other descriptors that spring to mind.) Southerners do not claim us. Texas is our closest neighbor and our fellow residents of the Cowboy South, as their landscape, resources, and lifestyles most closely resemble our own. However, Texas would kind of prefer to pretend Oklahoma does not exist...it's like we're a hat they've forgotten they're wearing. This determined nonacknowledgement gets pretty difficult during football season, when we've stolen their most promising recruits and the Red River Rivalry is looming large...but I digress. My point is, the Cowboy South and the True South have similar rules when it comes to the use of Endearments as Pronouns. Consider the following User's Guide:
Honey:
For Females: This is the go-to term in Oklahoma. Girls and women of all ages can and do use it liberally with both genders with little fear of being considered inappropriate, with the following exceptions: students should never address their teachers, nor should children address their parents in this manner. Additionally, avoid using it with members of the clergy. Pretty much anything else is fair game, though. "Honey" in the Deep South may be liberally interchanged with "sugar," "darlin," or "sweetheart," all of which mean the same thing coming from a female. While these variations are less common among Oklahoma natives, they are usually considered acceptable, especially if they are delivered with a Dixie-laced accent. Now, you may be wise to make geographical adjustments as necessary. Is my largely accent-less self going to respond "thanks, honey!" to the sweet-faced server who brings me a drink in Chicago? Probably not unless it's a guy and I think he's hot...
For Males: While it is generally permissible for women to address men as "honey" regardless of their relationship, this rule does NOT go both ways. For simplicity's sake, I will use my 35-year-old self as an example. The following people may call me "honey" without fear of being considered in any way creepy:
- women of all ages, regardless of relationship
- gay men of all ages, whether I know them or not
- men with whom I have an established platonic friendship, such as the husbands of my close friends.
- any man whom I may be regularly making out or sleeping with presently, as well as SOME of the formers, excluding my ex-husband. (Those of you among this population probably know who you are, because I still wish you happy birthday and do not refer to you as "fucktard.")
- men over the age of 65.
--If you are attempting to get a date with me, and there is an inappropriate use of such terminology, I can pretty well guarantee it won't happen, with me or any other intelligent, attractive woman in this state. Please use caution.
--If you are trying to sell me something and these guidelines are breached, you just lost your commission.
--If you are going to be doing work on my car...please...for the love of God...JUST. DON'T. DO. IT.
Baby:
General: Whiile far less common than "honey," it is not completely unheard of for women to occasionally refer to their closest friends (again, of either gender) as "babe." I will also accept "babe" from male friends, provided I have known them a good decade or longer, as well as guys that I am legitimately dating, even if it isn't particularly serious. To go full-on "baby." however, generally implies that the person whom you are addressing either A) is someone you gave birth to or in some way contributed to their DNA makeup, or B) has recently seen you naked, and it wasn't in a locker room. Otherwise, let's keep this one tucked away in the Sooner State, shall we?
Sweetheart (or Sweetie):
General: For the most part, the same rules apply to these terms as apply to "honey." It's simply less common here and more common in other regions. Again, some leeway may be given at the listener's discretion based on accent. That is, if you can actually make out what they're saying...there's a guy I've been dating off and on for the past 8 or 9 months, and I still can't understand him when we talk on the phone to save my soul. (He's from the Memphis area.) Texting just works better in such cases, followed by face-to-face conversations.
Other General Tips:
--You may use "bless her heart" as a broad-spectrum disclaimer for virtually any disparaging comment that precedes or follows, i.e., "Bless her heart, she won't be winning any beauty contests any time soon." Or, "bless her heart, her Mama never taught her how not to be such a nasty bitch."
--Y'all is a perfectly acceptable contraction for "you all."
--We have relatively few colloquial slang terms...more of a tendency to run our words together without any attempt to enunciate. For example "jeet jet?" translates to "Did you eat yet?"
--Please never, EVER use the movie or the musical Oklahoma! as a translation reference...or just don't refer to it at all. That would be great...
And to the random guy in the silver Corvette who called me "honey" yesterday, I dedicate this post and offer the following message: NOT IN THIS LIFETIME.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Dear You...
One day, I will find you...you will look at me and think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. You'll listen to what I say, so you'll know that I'm smart. You're going to find my quirks endearing...you won't care that I swear a lot and you'll think my tattoos are cool...you will both love and envy my energy. You'll appreciate my culinary abilities, and when you see me with my children, you may kinda want me to be the mother of yours, too. You won't care that I have a little baggage...in fact, you'll carry it for me from time to time. But don't worry, I'll return the favor when you need me to.
You won't care that I keep the house a little bit chilly, and you will build me a fire even if it's only September and it's still in the 50's, because you will think it's cute that I'm so excited about fall. You won't be offended that I sleep curled into a ball by myself instead of cuddling--if I sleep at all. You will remember to take pictures at parties, because I always forget. You will love loud music, and will observe my sudden urges to dance it out in the kitchen with an amused grin. You will understand my jokes and be strangely attracted to my sarcasm. You will make fun of me when I'm wrong, or when I'm acting like a complete brat. If you make me cry, you will help dry my tears.
In return, I will bake you a cake for your birthday...and sometimes just because. I will make you laugh, which won't be hard, because you totally get me. I will watch football and basketball games with you even if I don't care about your team...or maybe I'll really care about your team, because you'll be mine. I will dress up when you take me out, and I will make sure my heels don't make me taller than you...well, unless you like that. I will let you go out with the guys, and I won't ask for too many details when you do. I will kiss you hello and goodbye every time I see you...and I mean REALLY kiss you. And I will rock your world on a pretty regular basis.
I know you're out there. I may even already know you somehow...but if I do, it's okay that I don't know it's you yet, because I'm probably not quite ready for you...but when I am, I promise to be one of the best things that ever happened to you.
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Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Happy...
You know it's for real when it has nothing to do with anyone but yourself...I don't need to be someone's wife or someone's girlfriend. I'm happy enough being someone's mother (two perfect little someones) and everyone's friend...well, most people's, anyway...unless you're one of those general assholes, in which case you can piss off.
It may not be the one I planned, but it's a pretty great life, and I'm making it for MYSELF. I have two amazing girls and a nice place to live, a job that pays my bills, and a ton of people I love that make me laugh...and it occurred to me today that I can't think of a single need that isn't being met...even most of the "wants" are being covered.
As for the guy, everyone asks, and here is my answer: Who knows when I'll find him? Maybe I already know him, maybe I don't...either way, I have something to look forward to...and you know what? So does he! I'm fun at a party, and I'm not bad to look at...and in spite of my penchant for sarcasm and a few minor quirks typical of writers and creative types, I'm a really, really nice person in general...so come on, don't be shy! Come and get me! Or DON'T...I'll be just fine on my own...
It may not be the one I planned, but it's a pretty great life, and I'm making it for MYSELF. I have two amazing girls and a nice place to live, a job that pays my bills, and a ton of people I love that make me laugh...and it occurred to me today that I can't think of a single need that isn't being met...even most of the "wants" are being covered.
As for the guy, everyone asks, and here is my answer: Who knows when I'll find him? Maybe I already know him, maybe I don't...either way, I have something to look forward to...and you know what? So does he! I'm fun at a party, and I'm not bad to look at...and in spite of my penchant for sarcasm and a few minor quirks typical of writers and creative types, I'm a really, really nice person in general...so come on, don't be shy! Come and get me! Or DON'T...I'll be just fine on my own...
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Friday, April 20, 2012
Funny the Way It Is...
Tonight was one of those nights that makes me forget about all of the bullshit the has been the norm for the past couple of years. It didn't really start out as anything remarkable...I got off work, picked up the girls from their father's, and decided to take them out for pizza. Pretty standard, right? I thought so. First, we stopped at home to feed the cats and drop off their stuff...Sara and I were waiting for Em in the kitchen, sneaking a few pre-dinner Cheetos, when Sara suddenly asked me in her matter-of-fact way:
"Mommy, do you really kiss better than you cook, like the sign says? Because I think you're the best cook in the whole world!"
"Mommy, do you really kiss better than you cook, like the sign says? Because I think you're the best cook in the whole world!"
How does a responsible parent answer this question?! Well, who knows, really...but here's what I said:
"Well, I don't know, Sara...I guess you'll just have to ask around on both counts..."
This made her giggle...and me, too...and it was a good preface to the evening to come, as Em finally emerged from her room and we headed to the Othello's...I know I've mentioned it before, but O's is kind of my place. One of my best friends, Nancy, is part owner and general manager, and I know most of the staff. The girlfriends and I used to go there every other Thursday to catch up...until I went and got a divorce, and now I have my kids on Thursday nights, putting a damper on the Thursday Girls Club. But we still make it there on the occasional odd (non-Thursday) night, and about once a month, when the kids are craving a pizza, I take them there now.
I was happy to see Nan working tonight, along with several of the servers I know pretty well. Once we were seated, Nan came and hung out with us for awhile, and we ordered our pizza. Angel and Katie and Hannah all stopped by to talk to us, and business was steady, so we were having a good time. Nan left for a bit to check on our pizza, which had been entered incorrectly, and in the meantime, Sara quietly put away three loaves of bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar...we didn't care that the food was a little late. We were having fun.
A single guy had come in and been seated at the table next to us with his little boy, and I could see him trying to catch my eye. Before long, he turned around and introduced himself. His name, of course, is Brian...like my ex...and like one of the guys I've dated off and on over the last few months. We made idle conversation for a few minutes, and he excused himself to take his son to the bathroom. I see Emily looking at me with a smirk on her face, and as soon as he's out of earshot, she said:
"Uh, Mom, that guy is TOTALLY flirting with you, in case you're not aware...and for crying out loud, do you really need ANOTHER Brian?!"
She's a smart girl, that one...
Nancy and Angel were telling the girls some of their stories about the restaurant building, which, by most accounts, is haunted. It's around a hundred years old and served as the city's first hospital, and several servers, bartenders, and other tenants of the building both past and present have reported hearing strange things, like the sound of a little girl laughing in what used to be the morgue, and a mischievous teenage boy who likes to cause trouble. They were eating it up at the table...and of course, now they're snuggled into bed with me...which, honestly, might be the perfect end to a great night. I need more like these, please! They remind me what's important, and how much I already have going for me.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Understanding the Post-Breakup Reassimilation Process
It's been more than 8 months since I made the decision to get a divorce. While it hasn't been all unicorns and rainbows, I've done alright. I've also discovered there is a natural system in place when it comes to getting back in the proverbial saddle, and if you follow it, your chances of successful reassimilation are far more likely...deviation is strongly discouraged. There are THREE mandatory Reassimilation Phases that MUST be completed before considering monogamy again, plus an optional fourth phase for the SERIOUSLY self-destructive. They are as follows:
1. The Rebound: This term is usually reserved for the first person you sleep with* (who ISN'T a one-nighter) after a divorce or the end of a long-term relationship. Particularly impressionable individuals will convince themselves that they are in love with this person, and then all hell will break loose...for all of you REALLY codependent morons (you know who you are), you may enter into a serious relationship or even marry this person. This relationship will end badly. I promise. The advice I was given--both by friends who have been there and by a qualified therapist--is to steer clear of serious relationships and major decisions for at LEAST one year post-breakup. This seems like sound advice, because while I get better every day, I'm still not 100% over the hurt and anxiety I felt as things finally crumbled. (On the other hand, I have the half-assed girlfriend routine down to a science at this point. See below.)
*In a handful of cases, you will not sleep with your rebound, but the two of you will make out like there's no tomorrow, and you will feel attached to him/her. It's still a rebound. There is NO loophole.
2. The Angry Recluse (Optional): This optional phase may occur at the conclusion of your Rebound Relationship, depending on just HOW badly that ended, or in between Half-Assed Relationships...not all people will experience it, but this period may involve any combination of the following:
3. The Dating Whore: During this period, you will go out with almost anyone who asks. (Or, if you're a guy, you will ask everyone who shows the slightest bit of interest in you...or who looks in your general direction, even if there's a giant TV behind your head.) This process will be of benefit in a number of ways. First and foremost, it will allow you an opportunity to learn The Rules, which do not remotely resemble the rules that were in place the last time you dated. In addition, you will learn valuable communication skills, such as How to Blow Someone Off. For some, it will be a crash course in Conversation 101, particularly if you had reached a point in your relationship in which you seldom spoke or engaged only in small talk. Enjoy this phase. Drag it out for awhile. It won't hurt anything, and you'll only get a better idea of what you're really looking for. I would, however, refrain from sleeping around at this point, as you are most likely to catch something icky during this period than any other.
4. The Half-Assed Girlfriend/Boyfriend: After you have successfully (?) completed The Rebound and The Dating Whore stages, you will arrive here. At some point during your Dating Whore adventures, you will meet someone that you genuinely like, and want to hang out with all the time...okay, no, more like some of the time...as long as they don't cramp your style too much. You will probably not pledge this person your undying love and devotion, but you may care about him/her very much. You might even think about the possibility of a future with him/her. While the odds of your half-assed relationship having actual staying power are somewhat limited, this is a healthy step in the recovery process, as you are allowing yourself to at least think about the possibility of commitment again. In many cases, two people who are in this phase at the same time can have a successful half-assed relationship almost indefinitely. You may have two or three of these before you move on to an actual relationship. Casual dating outside of your half-assed relationship is permissible in most cases. Again, do what feels right to you..I have been pretty happy in this stage, and am considering setting up camp here for the forseeable future...
5. The Actual Girlfriend/Boyfriend: Congratulations! You have completed the necessary Rebound, Dating Whore, and Half-Assed Relationship phases, and may now proceed with monogamy, provided it has been at least one year since your breakup. If you are attempting to convert a Half-Assed Boyfriend/Girlfriend to the Real Thing, please be wary of the Wandering Eye, as it is far more likely to occur in these situations. If you are STILL stubbornly trying to convert your Rebound Relationship into an actual relationship, well--you're kind of an idiot...but hell, you're not going to listen to me, so good luck with that. Finally, remember to proceed with caution...don't go planning a wedding or moving in together or getting yourself knocked up. Give it a good 6 months to a year and see where you are. Enjoy!
1. The Rebound: This term is usually reserved for the first person you sleep with* (who ISN'T a one-nighter) after a divorce or the end of a long-term relationship. Particularly impressionable individuals will convince themselves that they are in love with this person, and then all hell will break loose...for all of you REALLY codependent morons (you know who you are), you may enter into a serious relationship or even marry this person. This relationship will end badly. I promise. The advice I was given--both by friends who have been there and by a qualified therapist--is to steer clear of serious relationships and major decisions for at LEAST one year post-breakup. This seems like sound advice, because while I get better every day, I'm still not 100% over the hurt and anxiety I felt as things finally crumbled. (On the other hand, I have the half-assed girlfriend routine down to a science at this point. See below.)
*In a handful of cases, you will not sleep with your rebound, but the two of you will make out like there's no tomorrow, and you will feel attached to him/her. It's still a rebound. There is NO loophole.
2. The Angry Recluse (Optional): This optional phase may occur at the conclusion of your Rebound Relationship, depending on just HOW badly that ended, or in between Half-Assed Relationships...not all people will experience it, but this period may involve any combination of the following:
- heavy drinking
- depression
- crying
- cake-throwing
- swearing and/or name-calling
- careless one night stands
- hooking up with an ex
- binge eating
3. The Dating Whore: During this period, you will go out with almost anyone who asks. (Or, if you're a guy, you will ask everyone who shows the slightest bit of interest in you...or who looks in your general direction, even if there's a giant TV behind your head.) This process will be of benefit in a number of ways. First and foremost, it will allow you an opportunity to learn The Rules, which do not remotely resemble the rules that were in place the last time you dated. In addition, you will learn valuable communication skills, such as How to Blow Someone Off. For some, it will be a crash course in Conversation 101, particularly if you had reached a point in your relationship in which you seldom spoke or engaged only in small talk. Enjoy this phase. Drag it out for awhile. It won't hurt anything, and you'll only get a better idea of what you're really looking for. I would, however, refrain from sleeping around at this point, as you are most likely to catch something icky during this period than any other.
4. The Half-Assed Girlfriend/Boyfriend: After you have successfully (?) completed The Rebound and The Dating Whore stages, you will arrive here. At some point during your Dating Whore adventures, you will meet someone that you genuinely like, and want to hang out with all the time...okay, no, more like some of the time...as long as they don't cramp your style too much. You will probably not pledge this person your undying love and devotion, but you may care about him/her very much. You might even think about the possibility of a future with him/her. While the odds of your half-assed relationship having actual staying power are somewhat limited, this is a healthy step in the recovery process, as you are allowing yourself to at least think about the possibility of commitment again. In many cases, two people who are in this phase at the same time can have a successful half-assed relationship almost indefinitely. You may have two or three of these before you move on to an actual relationship. Casual dating outside of your half-assed relationship is permissible in most cases. Again, do what feels right to you..I have been pretty happy in this stage, and am considering setting up camp here for the forseeable future...
5. The Actual Girlfriend/Boyfriend: Congratulations! You have completed the necessary Rebound, Dating Whore, and Half-Assed Relationship phases, and may now proceed with monogamy, provided it has been at least one year since your breakup. If you are attempting to convert a Half-Assed Boyfriend/Girlfriend to the Real Thing, please be wary of the Wandering Eye, as it is far more likely to occur in these situations. If you are STILL stubbornly trying to convert your Rebound Relationship into an actual relationship, well--you're kind of an idiot...but hell, you're not going to listen to me, so good luck with that. Finally, remember to proceed with caution...don't go planning a wedding or moving in together or getting yourself knocked up. Give it a good 6 months to a year and see where you are. Enjoy!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Love and The Help...
Spent this evening at home with my sweet girls, curled up on the couch watching The Help...its effect is still surprisingly profound, even though I read the book well over a year ago and saw the movie in the theater. The girls love it, too...by its conclusion, all three of us had cried a couple of times, Emily had downloaded the novel onto her Kindle and quietly begun reading, and Sara had adopted a Deep South accent, started calling me Mama, and developed a keen interest in the Civil Rights movement...she simply couldn't understand why anyone would treat someone differently just because they looked different or lived in a house that wasn't as nice. The notion is completely and wonderfully foreign to her...which seems to be a good indication that her dad and I have done a few things right. When Sara told me I reminded her a little of Skeeter, the single, independent writer who spearheaded the project, I was secretly thrilled.
If there's one thing I've really figured out in the past couple of years, it's that everybody deserves to have someone who is on their side...someone who believes in them and roots for them no matter how they mess up or who they hurt, or how bleak things seem. Skeeter knew that. I've learned it the hard way...and it doesn't always work out the way you hope...but I'm still trying to teach my kids that lesson, too. It's one thing to get pissed off when people are treated badly in a movie. It's another thing to put yourself out there for someone in real life...but nights like these make me think I'm doing a decent job. I've got two amazing kids to prove it. :)
If there's one thing I've really figured out in the past couple of years, it's that everybody deserves to have someone who is on their side...someone who believes in them and roots for them no matter how they mess up or who they hurt, or how bleak things seem. Skeeter knew that. I've learned it the hard way...and it doesn't always work out the way you hope...but I'm still trying to teach my kids that lesson, too. It's one thing to get pissed off when people are treated badly in a movie. It's another thing to put yourself out there for someone in real life...but nights like these make me think I'm doing a decent job. I've got two amazing kids to prove it. :)
Friday, March 16, 2012
One Hundred Things...
It's no secret that I've been feeling a little blue lately...or maybe most of the last 2 years, I guess, would probably be more accurate. Those major life stressors they taught us about in school when I was getting my silly psychology degree? I've hit most of the big ones...divorce, buying a house, moving, dating...plus the two sorta-pseudo-relationships I've had (as close as I've been willing to get to the real thing, anyway) have been a little disappointing, to say the least. It's no secret I've been struggling...when your nurse practitioner walks in for your six month thyroid check and takes one look at you, sits down, and says, "Honey, you have to eat and sleep," you know you're about to get in trouble...I did what I could...saw a counselor until I could no longer afford it, spent time with my friends, loved on my girls..and it's helped. I'm getting there...I still have doubts about myself. I struggle with anxiety and anger sometimes, and I tend to turn it on myself so I don't hurt anyone else. Whether that's better or worse, I don't know.
I've been reading the blog of another woman my age, going through it all just a little ahead of me. While of course, no two situations are exactly alike, the number of parallels between us is almost eerie. So far, it seems like what I'm feeling is mostly normal...I've behaved badly sometimes...been angry and irrational and kind of a hot mess. But I've also discovered a lot of strength that I didn't know I had. At times, I've even found humor in it all...I know, right? Me, using humor and sarcasm to deal with the hard stuff? Imagine...
Recently, she posted a list--100 Things that Make Me Happy. I couldn't think of a better way to spend a sleepless night, and soon found myself giggling as I typed, and when I was finished, I finally fell asleep for almost TWO lovely hours. Props to Jenny for a great idea...here is mine, in no particular order:
100 Things That Make Me Happy
100. There is always a cool spot on my sheets, because the whole bed is mine.
99. My bookshelves are filled with actual books, not just pictures and knickknacks.
98. Open windows in the springtime. (Add Claritin for best results.)
97. The sound of Sara's snoring.
96. The movie Sliding Doors...it's like instant therapy.
95. That nervous, excited feeling when you realize you're really into the guy...only had it happen twice since the divorce proceedings started last summer, but there may be a third one is on the horizon. ;)
94. When a new recipe turns out well.
93. When I go by to talk to Kristin for a few minutes after lunch and end up spending the day with her.
92. A really good first kiss.
91. Uno marathons with the girls.
90. The ceiling fan in my bedroom can stay on high all the time now.
89. When a book grabs you in the first few pages and doesn't let go.
88. Cheesecake...I finally bought a springform pan.
87. Yoga...I need to get back to it.
86. Running...see also #87.
85. When someone tells me I'm beautiful and means it, because he likes me.
84. Changing out my Scentsy.
83. The smell of a bookstore.
82. Good vodka and a freshly opened bottle of tonic water.
81. Fried chicken...sweet Jesus, I love it...I could eat it every day.
80. Size 6 long jeans...which is why #81 only happens once in a blue moon.
79. The farmer's market on a Saturday morning.
78. Getting up in time for church on Sunday. (Sorry, Fr. Mark...I'll do better.)
77. Ryan Reynolds without his shirt on.
76. Brunch.
75. A good thunderstorm.
74. Seeing a movie and loving it so much that I immediately go buy it on DVD.
73. A nice bottle of wine.
72. Stopping by O's and knowing half the people sitting at the bar.
71. The fact that my car is paid for.
70. My illicit on-again-off-again affair with Hulu Plus and Netflix.
69. Tehehehe....
68. Nick, for inspiring The Macaroni and Cheese Project...which led to the recent discovery of the Chicken Bacon Ranch Macaroni and Cheese recipe. The girls and I will never be the same...
67. Good grammar.
66. My crazy mix of friends who make sure I'm never alone unless I want to be.
65. Adele
64. Lisa's babies...and Audrey...I don't love all babies, mind you...only those that belong to people I love.
63. Finding out that Nancy has secretly threatened every guy I've dated that she's met.
62. Jane Austen...time for a reread.
61. Breakfast at Tiffany's.
60. My fireplace...although its days are numbered until the fall...
59. The first-bite look on Sara's face when I cook her eggs in the bacon grease.
58. My kitchen counter. :) :) :)
57. My daughters' vocabularies.
56. A hello text from someone I'm not expecting to hear from.
55. Pinterest...enough said.
54. Hanging out with my brother...especially in our "original" hometown. Gotta love Norman.
53. John Ford...he is one of the coolest, nicest, most genuine people I've ever known, who never complains or even seems put out about serving as my "loaner hubby" when something breaks. He's also funny as shit...
52. The sound of a street full of kids playing outside.
51. The Wedge's Truffle Shuffle pizza...kinda makes my eyes roll back in my head a little.
50. Awkward Moose.
49. Sitting on the patio by the fire at Deep Deuce Grill...especially if I'm sitting in someone's lap...
48. When I remember to take my thyroid.
47. Sara sneaking into my bed at night.
46. Caprese salad.
45. Holding hands.
44. When having a drink at mom and dad's becomes a party in its own right.
43. Family dinners.
42. Cooking for someone special.
41. Emily's grades.
40. Winning Words With Friends.
39. Baking/cooking experiments with the girls.
38. Thinking about football season...
37. Realizing that sometimes, it really isn't me, it's them.
36. Dinners sitting at the bar with Nancy.
35. Hair appointments with D.
34. Chinese takeout with the kids.
33. Getting ID'd, then seeing a look of surprise in their faces at the year.
32. A nice, clean house...even though there are some that will swear I never make a mess in the first place.
31. Hugs from Emily, especially when I'm expecting an eye roll.
30. Mushrooms in everything.
29. When the guy opens the car door for you...only one of these so far...
28. Smiles from strangers.
27. Half-price pizza night.
26. Downy Wrinkle Releaser, because ironing is bullshit.
25. A new home, free of ghosts from my past staring me in the face all the time.
24. Making new memories in it with my girls and my friends, and maybe someone else...
23. When I can remember that I can't control everything...like when I meet the right person at the wrong time and place.
22. Knowing that even at my worst moment, I'm actually about ten times stronger than anyone realizes, because no one else knows the whole story.
21. The grace and maturity Emily has shown the past few months...and she's TWELVE.
20. Gelato in bed at 10pm.
19. Girls' Movie Nights...even when they choose another damn Twilight marathon.
18. Alliteration.
17. Knowing that seeing me in a relationship is the last thing they need right now...that's one thing that has become obvious to me the past few months. It's not just me, THEY aren't ready...especially Sara. Another reason I'm tiptoeing...
16. Thursday afternoons.
15. Music...couldn't live without it, especially right now.
14. Okay, come on, let's face it, people...dating can be hilarious.
13. Impromptu tea on a Friday afternoon with a friend.
12. Creative energy, especially when I can direct it where it needs to go...I'm not sure writing this at 4:30 in the morning because I can't sleep anyway qualifies...
11. The prospect of camping...at a wedding...on an alpaca farm...
10. Live music.
9. People who don't smoke.
8. Six consecutive hours of sleep.
7. When my daughters' friends greet me with hugs and smiles.
6. Being a big enough person to love someone anyway, even though they hurt and disappoint you...
5. Memory foam.
4. Laughing through tears.
3. Champagne.
2. My people...the ones who have held my hands and walked me through it, and held me up when I felt like quitting, each in their own way...especially Kiki, Ash, Nan, Lisa, D, Bethie, Krystal, and E.
1. Emily and Sara...I am better simply because they exist.
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I've been reading the blog of another woman my age, going through it all just a little ahead of me. While of course, no two situations are exactly alike, the number of parallels between us is almost eerie. So far, it seems like what I'm feeling is mostly normal...I've behaved badly sometimes...been angry and irrational and kind of a hot mess. But I've also discovered a lot of strength that I didn't know I had. At times, I've even found humor in it all...I know, right? Me, using humor and sarcasm to deal with the hard stuff? Imagine...
Recently, she posted a list--100 Things that Make Me Happy. I couldn't think of a better way to spend a sleepless night, and soon found myself giggling as I typed, and when I was finished, I finally fell asleep for almost TWO lovely hours. Props to Jenny for a great idea...here is mine, in no particular order:
100 Things That Make Me Happy
100. There is always a cool spot on my sheets, because the whole bed is mine.
99. My bookshelves are filled with actual books, not just pictures and knickknacks.
98. Open windows in the springtime. (Add Claritin for best results.)
97. The sound of Sara's snoring.
96. The movie Sliding Doors...it's like instant therapy.
95. That nervous, excited feeling when you realize you're really into the guy...only had it happen twice since the divorce proceedings started last summer, but there may be a third one is on the horizon. ;)
94. When a new recipe turns out well.
93. When I go by to talk to Kristin for a few minutes after lunch and end up spending the day with her.
92. A really good first kiss.
91. Uno marathons with the girls.
90. The ceiling fan in my bedroom can stay on high all the time now.
89. When a book grabs you in the first few pages and doesn't let go.
88. Cheesecake...I finally bought a springform pan.
87. Yoga...I need to get back to it.
86. Running...see also #87.
85. When someone tells me I'm beautiful and means it, because he likes me.
84. Changing out my Scentsy.
83. The smell of a bookstore.
82. Good vodka and a freshly opened bottle of tonic water.
81. Fried chicken...sweet Jesus, I love it...I could eat it every day.
80. Size 6 long jeans...which is why #81 only happens once in a blue moon.
79. The farmer's market on a Saturday morning.
78. Getting up in time for church on Sunday. (Sorry, Fr. Mark...I'll do better.)
77. Ryan Reynolds without his shirt on.
76. Brunch.
75. A good thunderstorm.
74. Seeing a movie and loving it so much that I immediately go buy it on DVD.
73. A nice bottle of wine.
72. Stopping by O's and knowing half the people sitting at the bar.
71. The fact that my car is paid for.
70. My illicit on-again-off-again affair with Hulu Plus and Netflix.
69. Tehehehe....
68. Nick, for inspiring The Macaroni and Cheese Project...which led to the recent discovery of the Chicken Bacon Ranch Macaroni and Cheese recipe. The girls and I will never be the same...
67. Good grammar.
66. My crazy mix of friends who make sure I'm never alone unless I want to be.
65. Adele
64. Lisa's babies...and Audrey...I don't love all babies, mind you...only those that belong to people I love.
63. Finding out that Nancy has secretly threatened every guy I've dated that she's met.
62. Jane Austen...time for a reread.
61. Breakfast at Tiffany's.
60. My fireplace...although its days are numbered until the fall...
59. The first-bite look on Sara's face when I cook her eggs in the bacon grease.
58. My kitchen counter. :) :) :)
57. My daughters' vocabularies.
56. A hello text from someone I'm not expecting to hear from.
55. Pinterest...enough said.
54. Hanging out with my brother...especially in our "original" hometown. Gotta love Norman.
53. John Ford...he is one of the coolest, nicest, most genuine people I've ever known, who never complains or even seems put out about serving as my "loaner hubby" when something breaks. He's also funny as shit...
52. The sound of a street full of kids playing outside.
51. The Wedge's Truffle Shuffle pizza...kinda makes my eyes roll back in my head a little.
50. Awkward Moose.
49. Sitting on the patio by the fire at Deep Deuce Grill...especially if I'm sitting in someone's lap...
48. When I remember to take my thyroid.
47. Sara sneaking into my bed at night.
46. Caprese salad.
45. Holding hands.
44. When having a drink at mom and dad's becomes a party in its own right.
43. Family dinners.
42. Cooking for someone special.
41. Emily's grades.
40. Winning Words With Friends.
39. Baking/cooking experiments with the girls.
38. Thinking about football season...
37. Realizing that sometimes, it really isn't me, it's them.
36. Dinners sitting at the bar with Nancy.
35. Hair appointments with D.
34. Chinese takeout with the kids.
33. Getting ID'd, then seeing a look of surprise in their faces at the year.
32. A nice, clean house...even though there are some that will swear I never make a mess in the first place.
31. Hugs from Emily, especially when I'm expecting an eye roll.
30. Mushrooms in everything.
29. When the guy opens the car door for you...only one of these so far...
28. Smiles from strangers.
27. Half-price pizza night.
26. Downy Wrinkle Releaser, because ironing is bullshit.
25. A new home, free of ghosts from my past staring me in the face all the time.
24. Making new memories in it with my girls and my friends, and maybe someone else...
23. When I can remember that I can't control everything...like when I meet the right person at the wrong time and place.
22. Knowing that even at my worst moment, I'm actually about ten times stronger than anyone realizes, because no one else knows the whole story.
21. The grace and maturity Emily has shown the past few months...and she's TWELVE.
20. Gelato in bed at 10pm.
19. Girls' Movie Nights...even when they choose another damn Twilight marathon.
18. Alliteration.
17. Knowing that seeing me in a relationship is the last thing they need right now...that's one thing that has become obvious to me the past few months. It's not just me, THEY aren't ready...especially Sara. Another reason I'm tiptoeing...
16. Thursday afternoons.
15. Music...couldn't live without it, especially right now.
14. Okay, come on, let's face it, people...dating can be hilarious.
13. Impromptu tea on a Friday afternoon with a friend.
12. Creative energy, especially when I can direct it where it needs to go...I'm not sure writing this at 4:30 in the morning because I can't sleep anyway qualifies...
11. The prospect of camping...at a wedding...on an alpaca farm...
10. Live music.
9. People who don't smoke.
8. Six consecutive hours of sleep.
7. When my daughters' friends greet me with hugs and smiles.
6. Being a big enough person to love someone anyway, even though they hurt and disappoint you...
5. Memory foam.
4. Laughing through tears.
3. Champagne.
2. My people...the ones who have held my hands and walked me through it, and held me up when I felt like quitting, each in their own way...especially Kiki, Ash, Nan, Lisa, D, Bethie, Krystal, and E.
1. Emily and Sara...I am better simply because they exist.
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