My Grown-Up Blog...

Dear Friends:

I have moved, and I hope you will join me on wordpress! You can find my new home at https://funnylittleshannanigans.wordpress.com. More information about this can be found on my new site. Check it out and follow me there!

It appears that to follow via email, you may have to register with wordpress...for that I apologize, and I hope you will bear with me. A couple of you have already asked me about that. Set-up is free, and they don't spam you, so don't be shy. I'd love to have your company!

Many thanks for the love and support you have shown me through the years. I am grateful to each of you, and I hope to see you at my new digs!

Dear Ex...

Apparently, there is some confusion about the text I sent you last week, so allow me to clear that up.

I said "happy birthday."

Because it was your birthday.

Much like it was my birthday last month, when you texted me happy birthday. Remember how I responded? I said "thanks!"

I didn't say we should go get a drink. I didn't say that I missed you. I didn't take your birthday greeting as an invitation of any kind...I didn't read anything into it. For some reason, though, when I texted "happy birthday," I'm pretty sure you somehow registered that as "we should hook up soon." Is this some rare form of dyslexia? I mean, it would have to be, seeing as how you know I've been seeing someone for quite awhile...

Tell you what. If you really need to find a hidden meaning in my message, let me help you out. "Happy birthday" may also be taken as "I don't hate that you exist." This in addition to my sincere wish that your day is pleasant.

You're welcome.

Aretha was onto something....

If you only surround yourself with people who are just like you, I hate to tell you this, but not only will your life be much less interesting, your personal growth will be limited as well...on the other hand, being able to embrace and respect people who are different from you requires an open mind and a big heart. I was reminded today that not everyone has the capacity for that...

One of my dearest friends is the original wild-eyed, feminist, artsy, organic, liberal, barefoot hippie child...she wears birkenstocks, researches everything, has her babies at home, burns a lot of sage, has a smaller carbon footprint than most, and knows of an herbal tea or tincture for every ailment under the sun and the moon. She's also wicked smart, funny as hell, a wonderful, devoted mom, and has one of the purest hearts I've ever encountered...and man, do I love her!

That said...I do things differently. Where she dives in deep, I wade along the edges. I sit near the middle and lean to the left. She goes to sit-ins and rallies for the greater good. While she rides her bike to work in the summer, I sit in my Civic with the A/C on high. She nurses her babies well into their second year, while I crawled across the 12-month finish line and immediately handed my daughter a cup of organic cow's milk as I poured myself some wine. I probably wouldn't have a baby at home--or at all, really--but I would adopt a half dozen if I could support them. While she would home school in a New York minute, I feel strongly about my kids going to public school and being taught core subjects by others, even though my background is in education. With them, I'd rather save my energy for teaching more important life lessons...she would have no trouble doing both! And while I am constantly in awe of her resourcefulness and ability to create--well, everything--from scratch, I continue to buy chemical-laden deodorant and hope that I one day get around to trying her recipe.

And although many of our ideas dovetail, there are many things we don't quite see eye to eye on, and it's okay. For example, I go to church, rather enthusiastically...while her spirituality takes on an entirely different form. I am more traditional in many ways when it comes to wellness, (though I feel that Americans are overmedicated in general) whereas she takes a much more alternative approach.

Here's the kicker: just because I don't share all of her ideas doesn't mean I don't respect them. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in them. It doesn't mean I think she's wrong for not doing it "my" way. It just means we're different.

Different is good.

Embrace it.

Respect it.

Aretha Franklin - Respect [1967] (Original Version): http://youtu.be/6FOUqQt3Kg0

(Thanks, D, for letting me use you as an example. Obviously, you're not the only friend with whom I share significantly different ideas at times. You were just on my mind today!)

Perks.

I don't think of E as being a big deal...on some abstract level, I understand that he is, of course...but frankly, I know his weird little quirks and have to listen to him snore...so, really, to me, he's just a regular guy, albeit the most important one in my life.

Today, I learned that there are a few benefits to being a surgeon's girlfriend when your mother is having surgery...like when your father starts to climb the walls in the waiting room, he can just walk into the OR and get an update. He can hang out with her in recovery when you can't be there. Information starts coming to you a little faster after the nurses see you with him...and it was nice to be treated so well.

It was also pretty cool to have so many people tell me what an excellent surgeon he is...not that I've ever doubted it. It just became a little more concrete for me today. :)

The perks of being a surgeon's girlfriend do not, however, extend to getting one access to fox sports or a decent bed to sleep in. (I am a tall, tall girl in a tiny, tiny chair.) But I can't complain. I'm a lucky, happy, blessed girl! My momma's going to be fine, and my man is helping to watch over her. God is good.

Women are Bitches.

Okay, okay, not all of them...but I got your attention, didn't I? Well, I need to talk about this, because I feel like humanity as a whole demands it, and it seems like it's all around me lately. Why are women so awful to each other?

Why do so many women want to tear each other down instead of build each other up? Why do so many of us band together to promote negativity through gossip and complaining, at times even about those who are supposed to be "friends?" Why are we so quick to judge one another? Why are we so stingy with our grace towards other women?

Yes, I said "we." I've been as guilty of this as anyone in the past. Occasionally, I still am, albeit unintentionally. It's something I'm genuinely ashamed of and have worked hard to change over the past two years. I'm only sorry that it took a guy knocking the shit out of me (and the aftermath) to make me reassess how I treat people...I wish I could say it was Jesus or Buddha or even my cat that led me to change...but it wasn't. Maybe if I had read something like this, it would have inspired me...maybe it would've made me roll my eyes and think, "what a self-righteous bitch." I honestly don't know.

What I do know is that it's wrong. When we're sitting around gossiping and saying negative things about someone who isn't there, we are wrong. If we disagree with something a friend or family member says or does, and automatically judge them negatively for it, we (may be) wrong. (Assuming this person is not eating small children for breakfast or something equivalent.) If most of our conversations are about other (non-famous) people or certain groups of people...well, unless you're just effusively complimentary, it's probably wrong.

I'm not saying any of this to make anyone feel badly. I know plenty of people who never engage in this type of behavior at all...in fact, my one regular reader is one of those who probably doesn't even need to read this. (Love you, Sarah!) But if it makes even one person think, it'll be worth it.

Women face a boatload of gender-specific issues in society, and we deserve each other's support and consideration. Can you imagine how far we could go if we had it? If we would stop tearing each other down and start rooting for each other instead?

Someone very wise told me once that when you can't find something to like about someone, start with your common humanity and go from there. It's good advice. Maybe it's time to start giving other people with vaginas the benefit of the doubt. Stop being a bitch. Start spreading positivity. Today. Forgive someone. Show a little kindness. Compliment a stranger in a meaningful way. Better yet...start a conversation. THIS is what the world needs. :)

(If you're rolling your eyes and thinking I'm a self-righteous bitch right now...you're part of the problem.)

If anyone cares to join me at the domestic violence rally at the Capitol tomorrow,  don't be shy! Have a great weekend!